My girls have been sharing a room for now until Banner can sweet talk Santa into another room makeover. Her loft bed seems to not be roomy enough for her anymore. It does not surprise me because she is as tall as I am already and is only 11 years old. However, it has been so sweet to see her and Blaise in the same room. I walked by last night and had to even get their Dad up to cruise down the hallway and take a peak. They were all snuggled up and Banner was reading a book to Blaise. They really seem to share a new closeness that carries on throughout the day and not just at bedtime.
It made me think about how not so many years ago most kids shared a room all the time and some still do now, although it is fewer and fewer. I know that the "closeness" has got to get old after some time, but I also would argue that families today are getting lost in their big houses and in their big rooms, every individual member going into their own retreats and usually carrying a phone to carry on their own conversation with someone outside of the house.
I remember going one time with the Richard's family to Dallas to get matching polka-dot comforters because two of the girls were sharing rooms. It was the coolest thing to me! They were the most cheerful, brightest things that my eyes had ever seen. (Blast from the past...but I think they came from Joskey's...spelling?) Also..in their home when we were young, you were not allowed to close doors. I was not too sure about that then when Margo and I were cooking up a plan on our own, but now I love it. This closeness of family and the love I have seen my daughters have reminds me of a verse that hits me every time I read it that our time here to love is so very limited.
"Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreath; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro. He bustles about in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it." Psalm 39:4-6
I circled this verse and wrote beside it 10 - 11 and WAKE UP! I had to make an unexpected trip to Sammons Cancer Center a few weeks ago to have a few lumps checked out. Talk about a wake- up call! I was at Dr. Orms on a Monday to get his opinion. He called Baylor and they had me in the next day. I traveled to the familiar hospital alone because I have always felt strongly that in these moments when life seems so fragile, that I have to go alone.
I asked the Lord specifically as I drove north at 9:00 that morning that He might open doors, get me into all of the right people, and that I might could have all of the test, scans, etc. done in that one day. I did not want to have to spend the week making trips to and from Dallas. The Lord exceeded my prayer request, as He so often does, and I saw 3 doctors, had 2 tests done all in one day, and was back in my car headed south by 5:00 that same day. For those of you who have ever visited busy cancer hospitals, you know that this in itself is a miracle.
I was not only driving home that afternoon with everything done, but I was driving home with the news that I was fine! My lumps and bumps were nothing to be concerned about and my life in 2007 with fighting Hodgkin's is still past tense. All 3 doctors told me that I did exactly what I should have to follow through, but that this check-up was good.
So...what happens in that waiting room time. Let me tell you what happens. The music fades, the people around you carrying on conversations about work, handbags, and soccer games seem absolutely meaningless. 401K plans and the stock market do not amount to a hill of beans. The wrinkles on your face or new areas that could use a good dose of firming up are of no concern. The fact that you cook more, clean more, and are the only person in your home who sees the trash needs to be taken out or the dog fed does not matter. The unfinished project on your desk can wait or disappear totally and the sound of a text coming in is totally forgotten.
What happens in the waiting rooms of life, when you know that you may visit a health crisis again or even for the first time, is that you wake up to what matters. You totally get focused. I felt like the Lord took my face in His hand and literally turned me towards Him and said..."Let's think about these things, Betsy Elaine now that I have your full attention..."
The things I needed to think about would not matter to you. Your list would be different. When I sat alone in my 3rd waiting room that day, the above verse I mentioned came to life. I will NOT, I refuse to....live my life going to and fro and not love those around me, taking the time to color, go for a walk, make my nephew his favorite snack, or sit on the back porch with my Dad, Mom, husband, and the rest of my family as they share their Sunday afternoon talks, or love the kids who I am blessed enough to see daily at work. I have a family, and extended family and people in my community who the Jesus has given me to love and serve! It has nothing to do with me or my wants, my time, my to-do list for the day, or the fact that I think for the time being that life is not fair.
I am thankful and I am not just going to say that today because I am in the mood of thanksgiving and already full of ham and pecan pie. I will say I am thankful and I will live my life in a DIFFERENT way because I am thankful. I will not just give thanks with my words and hold it in my heart, but I will act on it! I will decide what matters and live like it does. I will LOVE and SERVE! I will also disregard the American Dream that says we all need more power and more money to be happy. What we need is God, family, and to LOVE for everyone around us, in the same way Jesus loved when He walked here on earth. I will not bustle about in VAIN or run around like a chicken with my head cut off because I am so busy, but I will wake up each day, pour myself a cup of coffee and ASK...What is it today, Lord? What should WE do?
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
short, but sweet!
SO...I have a new bike. It is really a gently used bike that my mother in law found at a garage sale in Dallas. This is NOT the fancy kind of bike that you see bikers on with their spandex suits and helmets. It a blue, big-wheeled bike that needs a basket on the front and seems to be looking for a spot for a picnic. It is that kind of bike and perfect for me!
Brazos needed to take the trash last night to the dumpster and I rode with him. Who am I kidding? I rode behind him and even had to stop a few times because my legs were on fire! The way back was a whole lot more fun because it was downhill! I got going pretty fast as I rounded the final curve by our house and nearly wanted to kick my legs out and coast...it was so much fun! Right about the time that I hit the curve, I hit some sand....and started to skid! I nearly lost it. I was so close to a total wreck! Brazos did not see me. Thank goodness he was up ahead of me. He would still be cracking up.
When I caught my breath finally and regained my balance, I stated laughing. It was so funny and I was so happy that I did not fall! I giggled like a kid. It was a CLOSE CALL and I kept my balance and did not fall. What a great feeling!
It occurred to me that I have the same feeling when I am close to a WRECK with a comment or word and I hold it in! I can save myself from so much when I just hold onto my words and control my mouth. It also makes me smile when I pause and think...and then decide to keep my mouth shut...just like it made me smile when I regained my balance and did not fall off of my wonderful, new bike.
There can be balance in life and we can control our words, even our thoughts and feelings. We do not have to live daily as if life is one wreck after another. There is so much energy spent in the cleaning up from our own wrecks. Life, or my bike rides I guess, will not always be smooth and easy, but there is a way and there is hope.
It is simple..."Jesus, help me today to control my mouth. Let the words of my mouth be pleasing to you."
Brazos needed to take the trash last night to the dumpster and I rode with him. Who am I kidding? I rode behind him and even had to stop a few times because my legs were on fire! The way back was a whole lot more fun because it was downhill! I got going pretty fast as I rounded the final curve by our house and nearly wanted to kick my legs out and coast...it was so much fun! Right about the time that I hit the curve, I hit some sand....and started to skid! I nearly lost it. I was so close to a total wreck! Brazos did not see me. Thank goodness he was up ahead of me. He would still be cracking up.
When I caught my breath finally and regained my balance, I stated laughing. It was so funny and I was so happy that I did not fall! I giggled like a kid. It was a CLOSE CALL and I kept my balance and did not fall. What a great feeling!
It occurred to me that I have the same feeling when I am close to a WRECK with a comment or word and I hold it in! I can save myself from so much when I just hold onto my words and control my mouth. It also makes me smile when I pause and think...and then decide to keep my mouth shut...just like it made me smile when I regained my balance and did not fall off of my wonderful, new bike.
There can be balance in life and we can control our words, even our thoughts and feelings. We do not have to live daily as if life is one wreck after another. There is so much energy spent in the cleaning up from our own wrecks. Life, or my bike rides I guess, will not always be smooth and easy, but there is a way and there is hope.
It is simple..."Jesus, help me today to control my mouth. Let the words of my mouth be pleasing to you."
Friday, October 21, 2011
A closer walk...
So..I admit totally that my thoughts the past few days have been pretty jumbled up from a week of Ranger's baseball and goodtimes in the backyard here at home in the evenings. Those goodtimes and t.v. time have made me realize that we are not studying enough here and so we have set goals for next week to flip more flashcards and read more books. To add to my sense of confusion, I work in the public school system and this seems to pile on the stress. I love the kids, but the demands of the TEST are more and more. Even if we try really hard to keep life simple and as stress-free as possible, LIFE does seem to creep on us and several times this week I have found myself rubbing my own neck to work out the tension that seems to set up shop there.
When I clear my head though, my thought go back to a day last week at the Waco zoo. I stood back and watched a group of first graders do something that I instantly filed in my mind to write about later. We were all making our way through the Waco Zoo at a leisuraly pace. I had 2 girls to watch and compared to the group of 4 boys I had last year, and it was a breeze! What a JOY. I was taking it all in until right past the giraffes . We rounded a corner and every kid in sight took off running to the fence to look at something that must have been quite spectacular. They all lined up on their tippy toes with faces pointed in the same direction. All I could see was the back of gray Eagle class t-shirts.
The children were so excited! Just from watching them all gathered in a little bunch, I was excited too! I eased on up behind them, at a faster pace than before, and looked at what amazing sight must have been waiting on me. I looked and looked. I looked and looked both ways, up and down, knowing some of these creatures can hide. After one final glance, I knew that there was nothing to see in this exhibit. The kids all realized that too right about the same time. We all rushed, ran, and lined up in a crowded group on the fence to see......NOTHING at all! The crowd was a bit down at that point and there were several red cheeked first graders with looks of disappointment. We had all been fooled by the first "Curious George" who headed that way with a look of enthusiam. We all were followers in a mad dash to follow the first kid who looked like he or she really knew what was going on.
My thought was...how often do we run to see what the group is looking at or doing, when there is really nothing at all worth a flip for us to see. We can get totally off of OUR path. We can ruin the plans we have made and become sidetracked when we follow the crowd. We end up loosing our focus for the day, or for the moment, when we think there is something bigger and better up the road.
Is anybody with me here or am I the only one who does this? I can be a leader, but I can also be pretty quick to follow. The truth is our walk here on this earth is so personal. You only have to look at a group of people for a minute to see how different we all really are. A glance at my own family and our unique personalities blows me away and reminds me that God, our Creator, really does create us all as individuals with individual plans for us. That is why it does not work when we follow others. We were created for OUR purpose and when we are on the right path to fulfill what the Lord intended for us, the path will not resemble any other path around us. We can't just run, follow, and look at what someone else is doing to get ourselves on the right track.
So, yeah right? Staying on the right track seems really good and clear vision for our goals would get us all an "A" but how do we do it? A song that I listened to this week on my I-Pod helped me see how I can live the life that I was created to live. "Precious Lord Take My Hand/Just a Closer Walk with Thee" was my answer from Selah. I need a closer walk with the Lord. That is the bottom line. No matter our age or stage of faith, we can have a closer walk with the Lord and should strive to do just that. We can wake up in the morning and begin our conversation with Him and never stop conversing all day long. That is a closer walk. It works both ways. How nice a sweet walk with us must be to our Father. That thought blows my mind, that He does want to walk and talk with me.
The title of the song is Precious Lord, Take my Hand/ Just a Closer Walk with Thee. It starts with
"Precious Lord,
take my hand,
lead me on
help me stand,
I am tired,
I am weak,
I am worn.
Through the storm,
through the night,
lead me on to your light.
Take my hand,
Precious Lord,
and lead me home."
The chorus concludes with "daily walking close to thee."
How close is your walk with Jesus?
It is not too late to start or too late to slow down and get back into step with Him.
This week what will I choose:
A: To slow down and take a nice and peaceful walk with the Lord through my daily activities.
B: To let the world pull me in many different directions and end up running around like a chicken with my head cut off?
With the help of the Lord, I choose A. (Not a perfect week I am sure, but a closer walk with Thee.)
What will you choose?
When I clear my head though, my thought go back to a day last week at the Waco zoo. I stood back and watched a group of first graders do something that I instantly filed in my mind to write about later. We were all making our way through the Waco Zoo at a leisuraly pace. I had 2 girls to watch and compared to the group of 4 boys I had last year, and it was a breeze! What a JOY. I was taking it all in until right past the giraffes . We rounded a corner and every kid in sight took off running to the fence to look at something that must have been quite spectacular. They all lined up on their tippy toes with faces pointed in the same direction. All I could see was the back of gray Eagle class t-shirts.
The children were so excited! Just from watching them all gathered in a little bunch, I was excited too! I eased on up behind them, at a faster pace than before, and looked at what amazing sight must have been waiting on me. I looked and looked. I looked and looked both ways, up and down, knowing some of these creatures can hide. After one final glance, I knew that there was nothing to see in this exhibit. The kids all realized that too right about the same time. We all rushed, ran, and lined up in a crowded group on the fence to see......NOTHING at all! The crowd was a bit down at that point and there were several red cheeked first graders with looks of disappointment. We had all been fooled by the first "Curious George" who headed that way with a look of enthusiam. We all were followers in a mad dash to follow the first kid who looked like he or she really knew what was going on.
My thought was...how often do we run to see what the group is looking at or doing, when there is really nothing at all worth a flip for us to see. We can get totally off of OUR path. We can ruin the plans we have made and become sidetracked when we follow the crowd. We end up loosing our focus for the day, or for the moment, when we think there is something bigger and better up the road.
Is anybody with me here or am I the only one who does this? I can be a leader, but I can also be pretty quick to follow. The truth is our walk here on this earth is so personal. You only have to look at a group of people for a minute to see how different we all really are. A glance at my own family and our unique personalities blows me away and reminds me that God, our Creator, really does create us all as individuals with individual plans for us. That is why it does not work when we follow others. We were created for OUR purpose and when we are on the right path to fulfill what the Lord intended for us, the path will not resemble any other path around us. We can't just run, follow, and look at what someone else is doing to get ourselves on the right track.
So, yeah right? Staying on the right track seems really good and clear vision for our goals would get us all an "A" but how do we do it? A song that I listened to this week on my I-Pod helped me see how I can live the life that I was created to live. "Precious Lord Take My Hand/Just a Closer Walk with Thee" was my answer from Selah. I need a closer walk with the Lord. That is the bottom line. No matter our age or stage of faith, we can have a closer walk with the Lord and should strive to do just that. We can wake up in the morning and begin our conversation with Him and never stop conversing all day long. That is a closer walk. It works both ways. How nice a sweet walk with us must be to our Father. That thought blows my mind, that He does want to walk and talk with me.
The title of the song is Precious Lord, Take my Hand/ Just a Closer Walk with Thee. It starts with
"Precious Lord,
take my hand,
lead me on
help me stand,
I am tired,
I am weak,
I am worn.
Through the storm,
through the night,
lead me on to your light.
Take my hand,
Precious Lord,
and lead me home."
The chorus concludes with "daily walking close to thee."
How close is your walk with Jesus?
It is not too late to start or too late to slow down and get back into step with Him.
This week what will I choose:
A: To slow down and take a nice and peaceful walk with the Lord through my daily activities.
B: To let the world pull me in many different directions and end up running around like a chicken with my head cut off?
With the help of the Lord, I choose A. (Not a perfect week I am sure, but a closer walk with Thee.)
What will you choose?
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Piles of junk
So...I half way cleared out some of the junk we have managed to accumulate since school started one day last week. Because I knew I had reworked a few areas, I immediately noticed when there was a random pile of papers about an inch thick on MY black table. I stress the MY because I have a table that I keep in the living room with a basket of bills, my sunglasses, phone, and etc. on it. When I went over to pick up the stack of papers, I noticed another pile just like it over on another piece of furniture which had previously been cleared off and dusted as well.
I glanced a bit further and was even more surprised that Blaise had her little table, she keeps one of the front windows, really tidied up. I guess I had inspired her. She had an old keyboard that was just in position and a few old phones laid perfectly straight like they were arranged in an office. Her purses and Ziploc baggies full of fake nails were even stashed in a basket looking all proper and organized. What was missing from her area was the pile of recycled papers that we have passed down to her to motivate her in her studies. She had moved them onto my table. Not only did she move the stack, she seemed to have divided it in two and tried to really hide it by putting the two stacks in two different spots in the living room.
I immediately laughed because as all of my children get older they seem to gain wisdom and ways to accomplish and get done what they want. My favorite saying right now is...."I don't do things for kids that kids can do for themselves." Just while typing this, I have been asked to get underwear for Brazos and get clothes for Bosque. I responded to Bosque with my quote already mentioned and he said "I know...you have been saying that like a thousand times." Oh, they are wise.
When Blaise moved her pile of junk I thought about the piles of JUNK in my life that I just move around from place and place and never really deal with...thinking that I am solving something by putting things off or just keeping myself busy enough that time will help things pass. These piles of junk that we move, cover up, restructure, or even redecorate can be old habits that are no good, unforgivness, jealousy, insecurities, the urge to compare ourselves and our CHILDREN to others, or bitterness and resentment that we thought we had let go.
The piles just grow the longer we let them go unresolved. We sometimes need to take a honest look at life and get to the root of the problem. The root of the problem is usually that we were hurt and never really dealt with the feelings. We just act like we can move on and often we can't at all.
I was really struck by something Beth Moore wrote in "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things." She wrote "Dear friend, is there an area of your life still a weakness? Perhaps you have already confessed it and asked God to forgive you, but you have never asked God to heal you completely, redeem your past, restore your life, sanctify you entirely, and help you to forgive your pasts?"
The reason the idea of healing really caught my attention is because it was a friend of mine in Sunday School who read that out loud and I have seen it in her life! She has not only been seeking the Lord to help her with old wounds, but she has dealt with the grief, and asked the Lord to HEAL her. AND...He has! It is an amazing thing to see. Is she problem free now? No, not at all, but that pile of junk that she moved from place to place and avoided since she was a young girl has been dealt with.
I recently had a conversation too with a husband who reached out to his in-laws and there has been a major healing for both he and his wife. It came just in time too because they have recently needed each other. It is like again...the pile of junk that had just been moving from place to place over the years and avoided has come to a point of healing.
I am so thankful that I can see these little things in life and relate them to what the Lord shows me is going on all around us. I am also amazed that I see healing and so many redeemed lives. The piles of junk can get smaller in our lives. It is a great feeling to look around and see that what used to be a weakness can become a strength when the Lord is involved. Now...that is getting rid of some junk!
I glanced a bit further and was even more surprised that Blaise had her little table, she keeps one of the front windows, really tidied up. I guess I had inspired her. She had an old keyboard that was just in position and a few old phones laid perfectly straight like they were arranged in an office. Her purses and Ziploc baggies full of fake nails were even stashed in a basket looking all proper and organized. What was missing from her area was the pile of recycled papers that we have passed down to her to motivate her in her studies. She had moved them onto my table. Not only did she move the stack, she seemed to have divided it in two and tried to really hide it by putting the two stacks in two different spots in the living room.
I immediately laughed because as all of my children get older they seem to gain wisdom and ways to accomplish and get done what they want. My favorite saying right now is...."I don't do things for kids that kids can do for themselves." Just while typing this, I have been asked to get underwear for Brazos and get clothes for Bosque. I responded to Bosque with my quote already mentioned and he said "I know...you have been saying that like a thousand times." Oh, they are wise.
When Blaise moved her pile of junk I thought about the piles of JUNK in my life that I just move around from place and place and never really deal with...thinking that I am solving something by putting things off or just keeping myself busy enough that time will help things pass. These piles of junk that we move, cover up, restructure, or even redecorate can be old habits that are no good, unforgivness, jealousy, insecurities, the urge to compare ourselves and our CHILDREN to others, or bitterness and resentment that we thought we had let go.
The piles just grow the longer we let them go unresolved. We sometimes need to take a honest look at life and get to the root of the problem. The root of the problem is usually that we were hurt and never really dealt with the feelings. We just act like we can move on and often we can't at all.
I was really struck by something Beth Moore wrote in "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things." She wrote "Dear friend, is there an area of your life still a weakness? Perhaps you have already confessed it and asked God to forgive you, but you have never asked God to heal you completely, redeem your past, restore your life, sanctify you entirely, and help you to forgive your pasts?"
The reason the idea of healing really caught my attention is because it was a friend of mine in Sunday School who read that out loud and I have seen it in her life! She has not only been seeking the Lord to help her with old wounds, but she has dealt with the grief, and asked the Lord to HEAL her. AND...He has! It is an amazing thing to see. Is she problem free now? No, not at all, but that pile of junk that she moved from place to place and avoided since she was a young girl has been dealt with.
I recently had a conversation too with a husband who reached out to his in-laws and there has been a major healing for both he and his wife. It came just in time too because they have recently needed each other. It is like again...the pile of junk that had just been moving from place to place over the years and avoided has come to a point of healing.
I am so thankful that I can see these little things in life and relate them to what the Lord shows me is going on all around us. I am also amazed that I see healing and so many redeemed lives. The piles of junk can get smaller in our lives. It is a great feeling to look around and see that what used to be a weakness can become a strength when the Lord is involved. Now...that is getting rid of some junk!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
On the toilet...
My husband was stuck at work last night on a job and could not leave. About 8:30 when the kids realized that for sure, they started jockeying for sleeping positions. When Dad works all night, it is like it is free game for "fruit basket turn over" around here and where everyone wants to sleep. Banner opted for the couch. Strange request, but she has a loft bed and has recently been complaining that the heat rises too much. She is on the market for a new bed I know too. The couch to her is the coolest spot in the house. Brazos decided he would sleep with Blaise. He got in a new Bass Pro Shops magazine and said he wanted to show her a few things. Braz is in full swing dove season and looking forward to deer season. Bosque asked is he could sleep with me. The answer was YES! Bosque likes his space so I quickly took him up on the request to hang out.
When I got up this morning and had my coffee in hand, I headed to the kitchen table to sit for a few minutes and read my Bible. That area did not work because Ban was on the couch. I did not want to wake her up. I quickly remembered Blaise had made her way to my bed about 1:00 in the morning; therefore, that was an option for me to sit in her cozy bed and read. Too bad on that idea too. Braz was still snug as a bug in there all alone. My bed was taken by Bosque. The chair in my bathroom was full of clean clothes. I glanced at the bottom bunk in the boys room and thought that might work, but it was dark and I knew I might fall back asleep in there for sure.
My walk in search of a quiet, well-lighted nook ended in my bathroom. I decided to just park myself on the toilet. I did not need to use the toilet! I closed the lid and made that my place of study and refuge for the morning, LOL. I do have the best view of the lake from my toilet; however, it was still pitch black outside, but I needed a place to read and that was all I could find without disturbing anyone.
My thoughts this morning and my time with the Lord began with Psalms 139. I read that out loud and laughed to myself that I was reading while using a toilet seat as my seat! I thought of a recent line I had read in my Bible Study next. Beth Moore writes "God waits, watches, and hopes that the sun will not set on our days without our standing on tiptoes at the extremity of life, yelling Is there not more than this?" I imagined myself on my tippy toes looking out to the world and what the Lord has in store for me for the rest of my life. Thinking about the years ahead of me lead me to thank God for the fact that I am alive and healthy. Today is my Baylor Check-up at Sammon's Cancer Center. I thought of Callie, Ellen, Preston, Laurel, and the others that I met there during my treatment.
I did the math in my head and it has been over 4 years now. That thought lead me to another spot in Psalms 143 where I am just amazed at what the Lord has done for me. It says "I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done." What if we began our day with praise first and then needs! It would change our outlook I know. I thanked the Lord this morning and praised Him for all that He has done. I do not need to forget it!
My toilet session with the Lord, remember please that I am not using the toilet for anything but a chair, ended with a thought from David. He wrote in 2 Samuel 7:18 "Who am I, O Sovereigh LORD, and what is my family that you have brought me this far?" Oh, I am there with my life and it makes me excited for what the future brings. He has brought me this far and I SO look forward to where I will go next! The Lord has not only brought me so far and set this captive free, in a literal way, but I am seeing the prayers that I have prayed for my children get answered. The Lord is so faithful! If we are seeking Him daily, we will look back and see that we are far from perfect, but we have come SO far from where we were years ago. THIS FAR...moments are big to me!
It may not be a comfy chair all of the time, much like the toilet seat, and life does have some ups and downs, but I am excited. I love working at the schools here in Fairfield, simple things like watching my own kids when they discover a mouse in a hole outside, and watching my little nephew do a perfect fish tail on his 4 wheeler. My talks on the back porch all summer with my husband were the best in my opinion. The more simple I keep my life, the better it seems to be.
Life with the LORD in my life is amazing. What is next? I do not know, but my "toilet seat quiet time" reminded me to keep myself humble and to put the Lord and others before me. I will never need to raise myself up, promote myself, think I can do anything alone or that I deserve anything at all! I do not now and will never need the best seat in the house, a front row seat, or a red carpet in front of me. What a need now and will need until my last day here on earth is a quiet place and a few minutes alone with my Savior.
When I got up this morning and had my coffee in hand, I headed to the kitchen table to sit for a few minutes and read my Bible. That area did not work because Ban was on the couch. I did not want to wake her up. I quickly remembered Blaise had made her way to my bed about 1:00 in the morning; therefore, that was an option for me to sit in her cozy bed and read. Too bad on that idea too. Braz was still snug as a bug in there all alone. My bed was taken by Bosque. The chair in my bathroom was full of clean clothes. I glanced at the bottom bunk in the boys room and thought that might work, but it was dark and I knew I might fall back asleep in there for sure.
My walk in search of a quiet, well-lighted nook ended in my bathroom. I decided to just park myself on the toilet. I did not need to use the toilet! I closed the lid and made that my place of study and refuge for the morning, LOL. I do have the best view of the lake from my toilet; however, it was still pitch black outside, but I needed a place to read and that was all I could find without disturbing anyone.
My thoughts this morning and my time with the Lord began with Psalms 139. I read that out loud and laughed to myself that I was reading while using a toilet seat as my seat! I thought of a recent line I had read in my Bible Study next. Beth Moore writes "God waits, watches, and hopes that the sun will not set on our days without our standing on tiptoes at the extremity of life, yelling Is there not more than this?" I imagined myself on my tippy toes looking out to the world and what the Lord has in store for me for the rest of my life. Thinking about the years ahead of me lead me to thank God for the fact that I am alive and healthy. Today is my Baylor Check-up at Sammon's Cancer Center. I thought of Callie, Ellen, Preston, Laurel, and the others that I met there during my treatment.
I did the math in my head and it has been over 4 years now. That thought lead me to another spot in Psalms 143 where I am just amazed at what the Lord has done for me. It says "I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done." What if we began our day with praise first and then needs! It would change our outlook I know. I thanked the Lord this morning and praised Him for all that He has done. I do not need to forget it!
My toilet session with the Lord, remember please that I am not using the toilet for anything but a chair, ended with a thought from David. He wrote in 2 Samuel 7:18 "Who am I, O Sovereigh LORD, and what is my family that you have brought me this far?" Oh, I am there with my life and it makes me excited for what the future brings. He has brought me this far and I SO look forward to where I will go next! The Lord has not only brought me so far and set this captive free, in a literal way, but I am seeing the prayers that I have prayed for my children get answered. The Lord is so faithful! If we are seeking Him daily, we will look back and see that we are far from perfect, but we have come SO far from where we were years ago. THIS FAR...moments are big to me!
It may not be a comfy chair all of the time, much like the toilet seat, and life does have some ups and downs, but I am excited. I love working at the schools here in Fairfield, simple things like watching my own kids when they discover a mouse in a hole outside, and watching my little nephew do a perfect fish tail on his 4 wheeler. My talks on the back porch all summer with my husband were the best in my opinion. The more simple I keep my life, the better it seems to be.
Life with the LORD in my life is amazing. What is next? I do not know, but my "toilet seat quiet time" reminded me to keep myself humble and to put the Lord and others before me. I will never need to raise myself up, promote myself, think I can do anything alone or that I deserve anything at all! I do not now and will never need the best seat in the house, a front row seat, or a red carpet in front of me. What a need now and will need until my last day here on earth is a quiet place and a few minutes alone with my Savior.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tug of War
A conversation came up in Sunday School the past week that took me SO back to my middle school days. Every spring at Dogan Middle School here in Fairfield we would have field day. It was a really big deal. It was a taste of real competition and of the athletics that we all so looked forward to when we finally would one day make it to Jr. High.
Teachers usually picked and signed us up for our events. We had a little bit of input, but not much. I can still tell you the names of the 50 yard dash participants and I was not, still would not be, one of them! I was just not a DASHER! The 50 yard seemed to be the heart of the individual competitions. Everyone earned a green ribbon for participation, but the top 3 rankings were awarded with a blue, red, or white ribbon. This was BIG TIME to us all.
If my memory serves me well, you could usually count on Rebecca Titus for the girls in the top place. My friend Trudi usually got a taste of the action too along with John, David, and Micheal. Too funny! (Enough of that and onto the next event.) Well, somewhere in the middle of the sack race and the softball throw was the much anticipated class TUG OF WAR. This was a chance for everyone to participate and feel like they were a part of the glory. I had a special spot here in this event. I was usually one of the anchor girls!!! There was usually a guy at the back of each class who would lasso the rope around his waist. I was usually close to his side because I was one of the stronger girls. Call it strong, thick, whatever you want to call it, but I was towards the back of the class on this race. Enough said about that too.
When the coach or teacher in charge blew the whistle, we all had to pull and I mean pull! I have never pulled and tugged so hard my whole life as I did at Dogan back in the day. This was my time to shine! We used the old -school kind of rope too. It would TEAR YOU UP! Our hands were so injured at the end of the contest that we should have been excused for handwriting for the rest of the week.
We tugged and pulled, and cheered so hard to make our ribbon cross the line first so we could win. The other team on the other end of the rope did the same thing. It was such a challenge and so much work to hold on, keep steady, and pull back that I feel exhausted just thinking about it as I type. My hands hurt too now that I think back! We pulled back...inched up...held on....could not dare let go...hands burned...pulled more....inched back up....heck if I know or remember who ever won, but I know that tug of war was so painful and the most tiring event of the day! It wore me slap out, but it something we all just had to be in! Win or loose too now that I think about it, we were usually just glad for it to be OVER!
We covered "Secret Places" last week in Sunday School and this analogy came so clear to me! Beth Moore writes "Love springs from trust. Therefore, loving God with all my mind begins with trusting God with all my mind. It means asking God to come into secret places where I may harbor or practice sin. It means trusting that He's not going to reject me or forsake me or be totally disgusted with me. He already knows and He wants in. He will not clean it our with a big yard blower from the outside. He cleans up the mind from the inside only."
Why do we try to hold on to the negativity that may be living and breathing in our minds and hide it from God? It does not work. My kids love and song that says "He knows my name." Oh, what a GREAT thought that is. The Lord knows us and loves us. He knows me and He knows my name! The next line of the song says "He knows my every thought." Wow, that one for me is a little bit different and harder to take, but it is true. He does know my EVERY thought!
One of my darling children last week tried, and I stress the TRIED, to tell me a lie. The lie was a little one over 3 quarters that had been exchanged, shared, and then pocketed at the vending machine after school. I knew that he/she was lieing to me and all I wanted was the truth! I waited until I got the truth and then was satisfied, fine, happy, and ready to go on with our day. It was so silly! It was a stupid conversation that we were having, but I could not let it go because again...I wanted to hear the truth! I felt like I was tugging and pulling out all of the facts until I got what I wanted. It was exhausting...just like the tug of war match years ago at Dogan.
Putting it all together now, I realize that Jesus Christ has got to be just like I was that day with my child. He must think at times when He looks at me....Why would she be so silly to hold onto this? Who does she think she is fooling? All along He just wants me to talk to Him and be honest about what I think and feel!
He will forgive us and then help us with the rest of our day when we just open up and talk to Him. It is all about a relationship! He knows if we are mad and bitter about something that happened many years ago or even yesterday. He knows if we secretly lust after someone or something. He knows it all and we will not have peace until we openly share that with Him and move on. He knows when our thoughts are honest and pure and knows when they are a mess!
Where does the tug of war come back in? Well, it is so much work to hold onto something. You go back and forth by rationalizing and making excuses for yourself and for the way you feel. You even convince yourself that you deserve to carry around the secret feelings you do because someone or something has wronged you. Life does not have to be enhausting. Life does not have to be a battle where you feel like you are being pulled back and forth constantly. Life does not have to be lived with one foot on each side of the fence. Life does not have to hurt all of the time and wear you out! There has to be more. We are not promised a perfect life and for it to be free of trials, but secret places that we set up are not trials! Trials come from the Lord to make us stronger. Secret places come from us and from our own flesh.
Let go today and stop the fight. Stop holding on and thinking that if you hold on tight enough and work hard enough that you can fool the Lord. There is no fooling Him. A plan of action could be some time in Psalms 139 or even this: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" from Chapter 12 in Mark. Meditate on the part with all of your MIND and be honest with the Father about what may be going on in there.
Teachers usually picked and signed us up for our events. We had a little bit of input, but not much. I can still tell you the names of the 50 yard dash participants and I was not, still would not be, one of them! I was just not a DASHER! The 50 yard seemed to be the heart of the individual competitions. Everyone earned a green ribbon for participation, but the top 3 rankings were awarded with a blue, red, or white ribbon. This was BIG TIME to us all.
If my memory serves me well, you could usually count on Rebecca Titus for the girls in the top place. My friend Trudi usually got a taste of the action too along with John, David, and Micheal. Too funny! (Enough of that and onto the next event.) Well, somewhere in the middle of the sack race and the softball throw was the much anticipated class TUG OF WAR. This was a chance for everyone to participate and feel like they were a part of the glory. I had a special spot here in this event. I was usually one of the anchor girls!!! There was usually a guy at the back of each class who would lasso the rope around his waist. I was usually close to his side because I was one of the stronger girls. Call it strong, thick, whatever you want to call it, but I was towards the back of the class on this race. Enough said about that too.
When the coach or teacher in charge blew the whistle, we all had to pull and I mean pull! I have never pulled and tugged so hard my whole life as I did at Dogan back in the day. This was my time to shine! We used the old -school kind of rope too. It would TEAR YOU UP! Our hands were so injured at the end of the contest that we should have been excused for handwriting for the rest of the week.
We tugged and pulled, and cheered so hard to make our ribbon cross the line first so we could win. The other team on the other end of the rope did the same thing. It was such a challenge and so much work to hold on, keep steady, and pull back that I feel exhausted just thinking about it as I type. My hands hurt too now that I think back! We pulled back...inched up...held on....could not dare let go...hands burned...pulled more....inched back up....heck if I know or remember who ever won, but I know that tug of war was so painful and the most tiring event of the day! It wore me slap out, but it something we all just had to be in! Win or loose too now that I think about it, we were usually just glad for it to be OVER!
We covered "Secret Places" last week in Sunday School and this analogy came so clear to me! Beth Moore writes "Love springs from trust. Therefore, loving God with all my mind begins with trusting God with all my mind. It means asking God to come into secret places where I may harbor or practice sin. It means trusting that He's not going to reject me or forsake me or be totally disgusted with me. He already knows and He wants in. He will not clean it our with a big yard blower from the outside. He cleans up the mind from the inside only."
Why do we try to hold on to the negativity that may be living and breathing in our minds and hide it from God? It does not work. My kids love and song that says "He knows my name." Oh, what a GREAT thought that is. The Lord knows us and loves us. He knows me and He knows my name! The next line of the song says "He knows my every thought." Wow, that one for me is a little bit different and harder to take, but it is true. He does know my EVERY thought!
One of my darling children last week tried, and I stress the TRIED, to tell me a lie. The lie was a little one over 3 quarters that had been exchanged, shared, and then pocketed at the vending machine after school. I knew that he/she was lieing to me and all I wanted was the truth! I waited until I got the truth and then was satisfied, fine, happy, and ready to go on with our day. It was so silly! It was a stupid conversation that we were having, but I could not let it go because again...I wanted to hear the truth! I felt like I was tugging and pulling out all of the facts until I got what I wanted. It was exhausting...just like the tug of war match years ago at Dogan.
Putting it all together now, I realize that Jesus Christ has got to be just like I was that day with my child. He must think at times when He looks at me....Why would she be so silly to hold onto this? Who does she think she is fooling? All along He just wants me to talk to Him and be honest about what I think and feel!
He will forgive us and then help us with the rest of our day when we just open up and talk to Him. It is all about a relationship! He knows if we are mad and bitter about something that happened many years ago or even yesterday. He knows if we secretly lust after someone or something. He knows it all and we will not have peace until we openly share that with Him and move on. He knows when our thoughts are honest and pure and knows when they are a mess!
Where does the tug of war come back in? Well, it is so much work to hold onto something. You go back and forth by rationalizing and making excuses for yourself and for the way you feel. You even convince yourself that you deserve to carry around the secret feelings you do because someone or something has wronged you. Life does not have to be enhausting. Life does not have to be a battle where you feel like you are being pulled back and forth constantly. Life does not have to be lived with one foot on each side of the fence. Life does not have to hurt all of the time and wear you out! There has to be more. We are not promised a perfect life and for it to be free of trials, but secret places that we set up are not trials! Trials come from the Lord to make us stronger. Secret places come from us and from our own flesh.
Let go today and stop the fight. Stop holding on and thinking that if you hold on tight enough and work hard enough that you can fool the Lord. There is no fooling Him. A plan of action could be some time in Psalms 139 or even this: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" from Chapter 12 in Mark. Meditate on the part with all of your MIND and be honest with the Father about what may be going on in there.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
2 boys and 2 baptisms
My 9 year old son Brazos invited Jesus into his heart on 11-4-09. I know the date for sure because as we passed "Short Stop" on the way home from church he asked me what the date was and told me to write it in my Bible. This was not following a Sunday morning service or an alter call of any kind. You see...we pulled into the church parking lot on a Wednesday night to drop off his big sister at church. He asked me to pray with him because he wanted to invite Jesus into his heart. I asked him if he wanted to wait on Banner, his Dad, or anyone else. He looked at me like I was crazy and said...Mom, will you pray with me? I did. I questioned, as all STUPID parents do about children really being able to comprehend salvation until the ride home. When he asked me about the date and then wanted to make sure I knew it...I knew that he KNEW! So simple...and so sweet! Brazos had heard the Word in his life and had been exposed to the truth. He had seen the Lord heal me of cancer, help him with his own fears at school, and calm his all of his little worries. Why would he not believe? My thought here is why can't we adults learn a lesson from our children and once again capture the essence and truth of childlike faith? Brazos told his family that he had invited Jesus into his heart. He stopped right there.
Bosque, 7 years old now, on the 4th of July this year was about to get into the tub. I was helping him with his water and sitting on the edge of the tub. He said...Mom, I want to get baptized. I followed up with my beliefs and said...Bosq, you know first you have to admit you are a sinner and ask Jesus into your heart to be your Savior. He responded with "Mom, I do know that and will you help me pray?" Again...STUPID ME, I said "Should we go and get your Dad, Banner, Braz, do you want to talk to Pastor Ken first?" Bosque said "Mom, can you just help me and pray with me now?" We prayed and the next day he announced quietly to everyone that he had invited Jesus into his heart and was going to be baptized AT CHURCH!
Brazos has always wanted to be baptized at our lake. I think it all began when I heard a Kenny Chesney song with Randy Travis many years ago at church in Dallas and later shared it with my kids. It was a thought of mine that one of my children could be baptized here at the lake if they wanted to and he did! Brazos takes care of the land here and already says that he will marry a country girl and be just fine right here in a house by us. He has covered more ground on his Polaris 4 wheeler than my other three children may ever cover here by our house in their whole lives. He is an outdoors man...shoots at anything that moves, and thinks that clearing a fence-line is FUN on a Saturday. Braz dressed up like George Staight and thinks Aaron Watson is the coolest singer in the world. Totally second to the simple, yet faith-filled salvation prayer in the parking lot at church, was his baptism day in my mind....but so fitting for him!
Oh, what about my Bosque boy? Well, he is another story all together. He was all over being baptized at FBC and looked at Brazos like he must be crazy to get in the lake! He put on his favorite baseball t-shirt, NIKE slides, some workout shorts, and headed on up the stairs at church to change into his white robe last Sunday. He did get very nervous at the end and asked me if there would be people in church watching...DUH! I told him yes, but that Pastor Ken would be with him. He made the walk into the water by himself and had the most serious, sweet, and a little bit scared look on his face that I have ever seen. He changed into his second outfit of the day, khaki shorts and an Eagle t-shirt, and was ready to finish church and get to Sam's to eat. A totally different kid from Brazos and a totally different look for the day!
I just love it! I love my boys! More than that though I love that the Lord is so faithful and that He is real! He is so personal and meets us all just where we are! Jesus Christ met Brazos in the church parking lot a few years ago and Bosque in the bathroom of my home! Why do we get so caught up in what we will wear and what everyone will think if we do this or that, and all of the rules that seem to come with being a Christian? The Lord does not call us to be legalistic, He just wants us to COME to Him, know Him, and try our best to follow Him.
I knew "about" the Lord my whole life, prayed, and had a pink Bible with my name on it, but I did not KNOW him as my own Savior until 9 years ago. He was with me all along but I seemed to run and look everywhere else. If you are running, looking and in need of help, look no further! He can save you and have your place in heaven ready, but He will also help you here on earth. If your marriage is failing, Jesus Christ says come. If you are lonely, He says come. If you are tired and weak, sick and weary, He says come. If you are in need of a Savior, He says come. No matter how you look, where you live, what your past may have been like, He says come. Why wait?
Romans 5: 6 tells us "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly."
Now that a week has nearly past since our special day and we have a week of school under our belts, I sit and read this verse....taking it all in...."Praise be to the Lord God, the God of Israel, who alone does marvelous deeds." Psalm 73:18
Bosque, 7 years old now, on the 4th of July this year was about to get into the tub. I was helping him with his water and sitting on the edge of the tub. He said...Mom, I want to get baptized. I followed up with my beliefs and said...Bosq, you know first you have to admit you are a sinner and ask Jesus into your heart to be your Savior. He responded with "Mom, I do know that and will you help me pray?" Again...STUPID ME, I said "Should we go and get your Dad, Banner, Braz, do you want to talk to Pastor Ken first?" Bosque said "Mom, can you just help me and pray with me now?" We prayed and the next day he announced quietly to everyone that he had invited Jesus into his heart and was going to be baptized AT CHURCH!
Brazos has always wanted to be baptized at our lake. I think it all began when I heard a Kenny Chesney song with Randy Travis many years ago at church in Dallas and later shared it with my kids. It was a thought of mine that one of my children could be baptized here at the lake if they wanted to and he did! Brazos takes care of the land here and already says that he will marry a country girl and be just fine right here in a house by us. He has covered more ground on his Polaris 4 wheeler than my other three children may ever cover here by our house in their whole lives. He is an outdoors man...shoots at anything that moves, and thinks that clearing a fence-line is FUN on a Saturday. Braz dressed up like George Staight and thinks Aaron Watson is the coolest singer in the world. Totally second to the simple, yet faith-filled salvation prayer in the parking lot at church, was his baptism day in my mind....but so fitting for him!
Oh, what about my Bosque boy? Well, he is another story all together. He was all over being baptized at FBC and looked at Brazos like he must be crazy to get in the lake! He put on his favorite baseball t-shirt, NIKE slides, some workout shorts, and headed on up the stairs at church to change into his white robe last Sunday. He did get very nervous at the end and asked me if there would be people in church watching...DUH! I told him yes, but that Pastor Ken would be with him. He made the walk into the water by himself and had the most serious, sweet, and a little bit scared look on his face that I have ever seen. He changed into his second outfit of the day, khaki shorts and an Eagle t-shirt, and was ready to finish church and get to Sam's to eat. A totally different kid from Brazos and a totally different look for the day!
I just love it! I love my boys! More than that though I love that the Lord is so faithful and that He is real! He is so personal and meets us all just where we are! Jesus Christ met Brazos in the church parking lot a few years ago and Bosque in the bathroom of my home! Why do we get so caught up in what we will wear and what everyone will think if we do this or that, and all of the rules that seem to come with being a Christian? The Lord does not call us to be legalistic, He just wants us to COME to Him, know Him, and try our best to follow Him.
I knew "about" the Lord my whole life, prayed, and had a pink Bible with my name on it, but I did not KNOW him as my own Savior until 9 years ago. He was with me all along but I seemed to run and look everywhere else. If you are running, looking and in need of help, look no further! He can save you and have your place in heaven ready, but He will also help you here on earth. If your marriage is failing, Jesus Christ says come. If you are lonely, He says come. If you are tired and weak, sick and weary, He says come. If you are in need of a Savior, He says come. No matter how you look, where you live, what your past may have been like, He says come. Why wait?
Romans 5: 6 tells us "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly."
Now that a week has nearly past since our special day and we have a week of school under our belts, I sit and read this verse....taking it all in...."Praise be to the Lord God, the God of Israel, who alone does marvelous deeds." Psalm 73:18
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