This is my story

We love country music around here. I try to mix in some gospel every chance I get with Aaron Watson or Alan Jackson. I was coloring with the kids one day last week and decided to put on Alan's gospel c.d. My head was beginning to hurt and something told me to add in a bit of calm to the ever-present chaos that goes with a pack of happy, but quite loud children. The first song gave me a childhood flashback to my days at Caney Baptist Church. My Pappaw, J.D. Harris, lead the music there for many years. He was a tall, big man with an even bigger, deep voice. When I heard Alan start singing "This is my story, this is my song, praising my savior all the day long" it brought back memories and stirred up something in my spirit... like music so often does. The music serenaded us and on we colored. As I traced Strawberry Shortcake's hat in hot pink, it hit me that I have a story of my own that is being written during my time here on earth. I thought... How is my story right now and and what will it be when I die?

I carried the words of the song and the concept of my own personal story around with me for a few days. I attended a funeral of a dear friend, Monte Cole, last Sunday. Pastor Ken shared with us that he had the chance to ask Monte just days before his death about his walk with the Lord and his life. Monte summed up in 2 Timothy 1:12. That verse reads "Yet I am not ashamed because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." I sat in the pew still, quietly, and thought to myself...That is Monte's story! He left us this week to be with the Father and will be missed, but what a story he left behind because Mr. Monte KNEW whom he had believed in. I drove away from the church with a smile on my face because I celebrated the life of a man who had a story that began and ended with Jesus Christ!

His story forced me to slow down a minute and think of my own again. The modern world we live in would like to have us believe that our stories will be written over the huge things we accomplish in life, like the promotions, awards, diplomas, dream vacations we can afford, cars we drive, or the powerful positions we hold. I realized quickly that my story lacks all of that, but seems to be unfolding in everyday life as I drive to and from town down 488 passing by the same parts of the beautiful countryside. The plot of my story seems to include tasks like frying eggs in the morning for my hungry boys, packing lunches, making to-do lists, and saying Hi to other parents in the hallways at school and in the isles of the grocery store. That is really my story right now. I am sure not in the valley like times past, but I also don't see the top of the mountain from where I am standing. Oswald Chambers excited me about the mundane days in life when I read "There are times when there is no illumination and no thrill, but just the daily round, the common task. Routine is God's way of saving us between our times of inspiration. Do not expect God always to give you His thrilling minutes, but learn to live in the domain of drudgery by the power of God." I had my four children line up this morning all dressed for school with their backpacks and lunchboxes and took their picture. I had to remind myself that THIS IS IT! My story is right here in between the stack of bills I need to sit down to pay and empty box of cereal on the kitchen island that needs to go in the trash. God is involved in every bit of it too!

Even when we accept that life will not be lived on the mountaintop, but often in the daily grind of life, there will still be twists, turns, and temptations that will throw us for a loop. We may feel like our stories are really soap operas, and that life is not smooth sailing. I have accepted a truth about why it is not easy. Even if I am a born again believer in Jesus Christ and trust Him with my life, He will not totally take over and write my story for me. He will guide me, the Holy Spirit will talk to me, but God will not author my story alone. I have to be a willing participant. I do have free will. How often I have thought "Lord, before I said that...why didn't you stop me?" A familiar thought too has been "God, why did you let me do that?" If I am honest.... I have to understand that the Lord is walking with me and talking to me, but He will let me go my own way if I insist on being hard-headed.

This free will is like a giant dot to dot that the Lord has drawn just for me! It was originated, just like my life, to be beautiful, unique, and a one of a kind. The dots when connected correctly will make an amazing picture for all to see. The Lord puts the dots on paper, but I have to draw in the lines that make the connections. If I connect the dots with lines in the correct order and stay in line, it will all make sense and have purpose. Every single dot, or day, will have meaning. However, here comes the part about the free will... I can also choose to go somewhere else, or to another dot, that feels better, looks better, will make me more money, or that will even make me more popular. When that does happen, and it does for us all, we look up and think "This is not where I am supposed to be and nothing feels right." That feeling is because we got out of line. If we keep on going in our own direction, we run the risk of looking up years down the road and discovering that our picture is a mess. We don't have a clue which dot is next or even what we are doing. We are lost.

However, this is the amazing part of the dot to dot story of YOUR life. When we realize that we are way off of track and our life looks more like a toddler's scribbling than a precious work of art created by the Lord, He meets us where we are and brings us back. He erases the mess! When we ask for repentance and turn, He is gracious to start a new work of art based on our mess and add our goof up to our testimony. Our story takes on a new shape. It is then full of wrong choices and lines that really don't match up perfectly, but it is still beautiful. I have learned the hard way though that we can't ask the Lord to forgive us and not TURN from our sin though. If we simply say "Forgive me, Lord" without a change in action, our path continues on in the wrong direction. The dot to dot keeps on going and going and will end in disaster. We must make a change in direction with the Lord's help!

I look around and see stories of individuals asking for Jesus to join in, letting Him fully in. I know a young father and husband who has allowed the Lord to get a hold of his life and as a result, he is free from years of addiction. He looks different, talks different, and is a light like I have never witnessed. What a story that is turning out to be! Another one near to my heart is a woman fighting the first stages of cancer with her Bible by her side, choosing to daily fill up on the Word. She is giving God the glory and relying on Him to show her the next "dot" on her picture. So...how is your story today? Does it resemble a masterpiece in progress or look more like a big mess? A well written story begins and ends with Jesus Christ, and He is willing to meet you where you are.

This was not the plan!

I don't usually stay up late on a school night to watch a college football game, but I did last night. Long after The Rose Bowl was over and we turned off the television, I took turns staring at the ceiling or closing my eyes trying to fall asleep. I was sick about what happened to Colt McCoy. I just could not believe the kid got hurt! He has chosen to be very open in public about his faith in Jesus and gave God the glory again last night at the end of the game in an interview. I trust one day this young athlete and his team will see the whole picture of why an injury kept him out of his last game as a Texas Longhorn, but I wonder right now if the picture may not be that clear for him and the others involved. How many times have we all had our game plan ready to go, but the time the final play was over... it all ended up being really, really different than we had ever expected?

Last night I was already feeling a bit sensitive when I began watching the game. I also visited with a friend recently diagnosed with cancer. She thought she had her plan all set up and would being treatment next week. Suddenly yesterday though, the medical plan changed. She is going to visit another doctor and look at what other options she has; however, no treatment yet. In the early morning hours today, my heart drew a line between her situation and the one of the young Texas quarterback last night on t.v. One I know so well. One I will never meet, but a obvious connection was flashing through my mind like a slide show that read "This was not the plan."

The lesson here for me in the last 24 hours has been that we can make plans, but so often we will have to accept that the Lord has another plan! Our plans really need to be written or thought of more in rough draft form than ever as a final copy. Our Father reserves the right to add onto our lists blessings that we would never dream of on our own, send us across town to a different hospital, and even take us out of the game. We better leave open lines at the bottom of our to-do list, as well as open days, months, and even years on our calendars because we honestly do not know what the future holds. We can only pray to know more the one who holds the future! There are things in life that unfold and are just not what we expected. Some are better and make life easier, but some really test our strength because they make life tough. There are also situations that here on earth we will never understand!



Two verses come to mind! "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." from Isaiah 55: 8-9 It is such a comfort to know the the Lord has a better view than us! He can see it all and we can rest in that.

Jeremiah 29:11 also offers a truth that we must learn to trust in, it says "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." I have to admit that for years I wanted to trust in that verse 11, but failed to read on and discover that the Word gave me a role to play in verses 12 and 13. They are huge! If you read past the glory of verse 11, you read "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." We do have an active role in our relationship with the Lord. Salvation is free, but knowing Him more each and every day does require our involvement. Our relationship with God honestly requires our time and our focus.
When we call, come, pray, and seek Him with all of our heart we are much more ready for the times in life when our plans seem to fall short of what we had hoped for OR even take a unknown turn that causes us to WAIT longer!!!

Oh, back to the line I drew between my friend with cancer and Colt McCoy. She is fine with her change in plans and trusts God to take her where she needs to be! Colt McCoy said in the interview after the game "I am standing on the Rock." I can not speak for them, but I suspect they have both been calling, coming, praying, and seeking the Lord with all of their heart like is mentioned in Jeremiah 29! When plans change, He gives us the grace and we give Him the glory!

I am not okay!

Last summer we planned a mini vacation to Great Wolf Lodge. Because we had free tickets to 6 Flags and could not stand to see them go to waste, we decided to make a stop by there on our way up to Grapevine. Just thinking back, I am hot, tired, and out of sunscreen! The plan was for me, my four children, my sister in law, nephew and Mom to impart on this journey together. I had to pack for the day and then also pack for the weekend. As usual, my husband, brother, and Dad planned to work and then join us right about the time we checked into Great Wolf, unpacked all of the bags, and were ready to play by the pool and relax!



The kids and I were running around the house getting ready. I applauded them because I could see four monogrammed suitcases forming a nice line at the door, the teacher in me. I decided that there was just enough time to do the dishes before we finished packing up the already overloaded car. Blaise, my youngest, 3 at the time, was perched in her usual spot on the kitchen counter beside me. I scrubbed, she talked, I rinsed, she dried. All was well until she hopped down to put something away and had a run-in with my husband's new and improved SLAPCHOP! If you are not sure what I mean by a SLAPCHOP, google it for a visual. It is one of the many kitchen gadgets that we have around here because my husband is a splendid cook and falls for anything with a live demonstration at the State Fair of Texas, thus our SLAPCHOP.

As luck would have it, the sharp, handy little blade diced the side of Blaise's cute, little, pinkie toe. I never dreamed in my wildest dreams that a pinkie toe could bleed so much. I placed her back up on her perch to my right so I could finish up the dishes and apply pressure to her toe at the same time. She cried and cried! I kept on telling her that she was okay, hoping and praying she really was because we did not have time for much more than a band-aid.



Time passed, the others finished another episode of whatever cartoon was blaring in the background...and Blaise still was crying! I tried to get her mind off of the pain again bribing her with an early morning piece of candy, telling her again she was o.k., but she still cried! I told her that her cousin Bragg, her BFF, was waiting on us and that she would be okay, but still more tears! I made funny faces and reminded her of the big bucket of water dumping on her Dad's head at Great Wolf, but she still cried!

When I finished the dishes and dried off the excess water from all around the sink like I was trained to do when I was a little girl, I scooted over right in front of Blaise to help her ease down safely and smoothly. I wrapped my arms around her, hugged her tight and said again "Blaise, you are okay"

By this point, her pigtails were wet with tears and her signature pink tank needed to be changed because of the snot valve that automatically turns on when we shed too many tears all at once. She waited until she had my full attention with no distractions and my face was right smack dab in front of hers, and she screamed at me "I AM NOT OKAY" Silence fell on the room. (That does not happen often around here.) Our little Blaise had had it! She was done! She was so mad at us all for telling her she was going to be okay because at the time, she was not okay. Her pinkie toe had met up with the SLAPCHOP and the pinkie lost the match, fair and square. Blaise said, or should I say yelled, what I have so wanted shout so many times in my life! I am not okay!



Have you ever had a day, moment, or even year or two in your life when you wanted to just shout out at the top of your lungs that you were not okay? I sure have. It may have been something huge, like facing your own diagnosis or facing one with a friend. Possibly your breaking point came with the news of a death in the family or news that your child had a disease or learning disability. Some of us are not okay, in the least bit, because of infertility, divorce, or massive financial stresses.

Maybe the last time you wanted to grab a microphone attached to a big speaker and announce "I am not okay" was last week when you overslept, forgot the meeting, and played the role of referee for the hundredth time jumping in the middle of your quarreling children who never seem to get along! They say "We are okay, Mom" but you wanted to yell out a big "I am not okay."

We all feel it. It comes and goes. In this life we will have times when we look up and everyone seems to be moving along at a steady pace in the right direction, kind of like they are strapped to a gigantic people mover at the airport, effortlessly on their way to the next terminal. You glance up from your situation and want to pull the plug on the human conveyor belt forcing them all to a screeching halt and scream "STOP, I need help here. I am not moving. I am stuck. Everyone else is okay here, but I am not."

Have you ever felt like you wanted to shake your fist at God too and let Him know that you are not okay with the way things down here are going? Guilty again, I sure have and I must admit that it has been as often over the little details in life as it has with the big. I think it is okay to let the Lord know you are not okay with the latest news in your life or possibly with the last 24 hours. He already knows it anyway, so why not be honest? He can take it and will deal with it better than anyone else. There have been times as well I will admit that I have not been able to open my Bible or even vaguely remember one of the latest memory verses I had neatly written on one of my note cards.

In one of those times of despair, I learned a valuable tool. I looked up at heaven one day, shrugged my shoulders, and simply said "You are God." I repeated it a few times, knowing it was true, and soon felt a rush of peace. Saying "You are God" out loud is a force to be reckoned with in hard times because even though you may be in a state of confusion, you are also praising God and forcing your mind back into a state of belief, a state of faith.

I love Psalms 139. I read it often to remind myself that whether it be the past, present, or future on my mind and destroying my peace, that I am okay. The Psalm says "You hem me in - behind and before - you have laid your hand upon me." Those words and believing them to be true, seem to make it all okay.