Wait at the gate

I like to run at night to calm my nerves and cancel out a few of the many calories I have managed to add up during the day. Belle, our lab, usually goes with me. We make a round or two up the road and then cross over by the lake. She loves to swim! I mean LOVES to swim. Last year when there was snow on the ground and the kids were sledding on the dam by the lake, Belle jumped into the freezing water because she LOVES to swim so much.

What amazes me about our recent runs together is that she beats me to the gate everytime that goes towards our lake, but she does not enter the gate. She stands there panting, hot and tired from running, and waits on me. As soon as I make the last corner up the road and tell her she can go on and jump in, she takes off running as fast as she can and dives into the water.

Six months ago, Belle did not wait on me. She did just what she wanted to do without a thought or care in the world. She also ruined four water hoses last summer playing her own game of tug of war, gnawed on our Ranger seat like it was a chew toy, and killed a few of our chickens! I think she is growing up. She is maturing and learning a bit of self-control. I hope so because she was about one dead chicken away from being someone else's pet.

The day that I finally realized Belle was waiting on me at the gate and paused there until she heard my voice tell her to go, I thought of how I too am learning to pause and wait on the voice of the Holy Spirit before I run through or to the next thing in life. I can hear the voice of Jesus Christ and I do not want to get ahead of the plans He has for me. So many times in the past and it will happen again because I am human and full of my own flesh, I have not paused at all, but marched forward.

I am learning to wait! I can pray and wait confidently! Life does not have to be instant. I do not have to have an answer right now to know that the Lord is with me. How many tears I have cried, frustrations I have felt, and time I have spent mending my messes because I did not wait, but barged my way on in. A simple pause, a quiet prayer, and a little time standing silently and still will do us all a world of good!

I do trust too, just like when I tell Belle to take off and run to the refreshing water, that when the coast is clear and the road looks good up ahead, the Lord will signal me on to what is next in my life. He will not only meet me at the gate where I am standing and waiting, but take my hand, lead me through it, and show me which way to go. This verse comes to mind from John 10:27-28 "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand."

Falling toilet paper...

This has been on of those weeks where life just falls into place. My entire family recovered from a horrific stomach virus on Sunday with lots of rest and relaxation. Monday began and I had a new pep in my step because I finally felt normal again! I was so thankful to have my energy back. The week has continued on in that fashion...happy kids, happy husband, and I have been an even happier than usual Mom. I dropped everyone off this morning with a smile on my face. I pulled up to the campus where I would be subbing with my favorite praise music playing, in awe of all of my blessings and the goodness of the Lord! We all have those weeks where we feel like nothing can touch us!

I popped open the back hatch of my Suburban so I could grab my bag and was suddenly startled. I jumped out of the way because something from inside of it was rolling my way. A roll of toilet paper came bouncing out of the car and hit the ground right in front of me. I looked around to see if there were any spectators in the parking lot. I was embarrassed. Not many of us admit that we carry a roll of Charmin with us at all times!

I checked my surroundings to make sure nobody witnessed my blooper, stopped laughing, and tossed the roll back into my car. I then realized I was getting a vision of life from a little incident in my daily routine again. No matter how great life may be and even on the days that the JOY is overflowing, there are things in life that we try to hide. I really wanted all of the junk in my car to remain hidden, just like I do with some of the "junk" in my life. We stuff closets before company comes over with all of the usual clutter to make our homes look nice. We also stuff attitudes, sins, and feelings down pretty deep hoping they will never really surface.

The funny thing is that most of the time we can hide from those around us what is really going on or at least disguise it enough that they can't recognize what is up. The real truth is that most of us do a pretty good job in public of staying cool, calm, and collected; however, in the own private chambers of our hearts, in the deepest places, there is hurt, insecurities, anger, and shame.

I have learned the hard way that I can "stuff" all of the junk in my life so that people won't see it, but I can not stuff, hide, disguise, and even begin to fool the Lord. Just like the roll of toilet paper that came rolling out and refused to be hidden any longer it seems, the Lord will keep on bringing out what needs to be exposed in my life!

My favorite, Psalms 139, says "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my laying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me; Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

The entire Psalm is worth reading. It blows me away! The Lord knows me COMPLETELY, all of the hidden thoughts, feelings, motivations, etc. that I have and He still wants to be my friend! He will always be my Father. He has me hemmed in, safe and sound in His loving arms and I can not escape Him! There is nowhere I can run that He can not follow. I can't go so far that He can't get to me!

The question is: Why do we run and hide? The fake smiles we plaster on may do the job with the people we meet, but it will not work with the Living God. There is forgiveness, there is a life of JOY and openness with Him. I found it last week with the JOY that He gave me. Just about the time I thought I had figured it all out, He humbled me and reminded me that without Him, I too will fall, just like the roll of toilet paper.

I always be guilty of stuffing my closet full of junk before company arrives and loading the dirty dishes quickly before the door bell rings, but I will not hide from my God. I have given up. It does not work. JOY begins and ends with an ongoing relationship and conversation with Him, nothing hidden, nothing held back. I even am learning to welcome His involvement. The Psalm ends with "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

So close...

I have been amazed the past few days at the massive rain clouds that have lined up in the horizon around here seeming to shout out promises of rain. We have laid on our backs and identified more shapes in the sky than you can even imagine. We spotted Santa a few days ago lingering in the form of a distant cloud, and even formulated an animal parade that began with a bear and ended with an elephant.

Two nights ago I was outside jumping on the trampoline with the kids. My husband poked his head out of the back door and insisted that we clear the trampoline and come on in. He spotted lightening right over our lake on the front side of our property. We jumped off, ran in, and bragged to each other that we had successfully escaped the big downpour! The clouds we watched for over an hour grew bigger, darker, and looked heavier by the minute. They looked as full as the big bucket of water that dumps out at Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine. If you have not been there, when the huge bucket begins to rain down cold water on all willing participants standing underneath it, there is no stopping the flow or escaping it until it is empty!

The next morning I asked my Dad for a weather report, including an estimated rainfall reading, because I literally did not hear a thing. As usual, he gave me a quick and witty response by saying "We missed it. The rain went right up the Trinity River and skipped over us. We did not get a drop!"

This whole issue with the rain missing us echoed a thought pattern that has been running through my head. I have had times in my life when the Lord lined up everything and had me ready for my next big adventure in life. An adventure full of purpose and passion that was created just for me. Much like the rain clouds moving on by without doing a thing, I too have moved on by and I let it my dreams die or even forgotten them altogether!

Do anyone know what I mean here? Am I the only one who has let fear, past mistakes, present circumstances, or even a negative word from someone else put my plans on hold when I knew deep within my spirit that God was saying "Let's do this thing!" Whatever your deepest dreams or plans may be, I believe that if we are a new creation in Christ, He places within us a desire that is bigger than anything we can ever accomplish on our own. At some point in our life, and I am grateful that it can happen more than once, everything lines up in our favor and it is our turn to step out in faith and make a something extraordinary out of our ordinary lives with the Lord's help!

Our purposes in life are obviously all very different. Maybe your passion is like mine, and you want to write that story down on paper that has been in your heart for so long and share it with others. Possibly going back to school or enrolling in college for the first time is what takes the top slot on your list of goals. Maybe it is starting a new business, beginning a ministry, or finally following through with an exercise plan to get in the best shape of your life. We are never to old or too young to dream big and begin working on our purpose.

Whatever it is in the way of your greatest dream or dreams, move it! Do not let everything line up, hear the drum roll begin, your name announced, and then let the moment pass by. It would be a waste to let your greatest purpose pass you by because we are all meant to be a blessing to others. What a tragedy that would be to not use your God-given gifts to do something meaningful in this life. When and only when God is involved, ordinary people can do extraordinary things. We may not reach the ends of the earth with our seemingly small dream, but better to start reaching those in our own little corner than to do nothing at all. When we missed the rain last week, it was out of our control, but dreaming big in life when the Lord draws out an idea in our hearts and minds is truly ours for the taking! Don't miss it.

A glance in the right way!

I don't think I would have ever taken this on alone, but along with a group of ready and willing women, I have been studying the book of James. It is full of convicting information to say the least, with no fluff! I just knew the first few weeks that I was going to end up needed a counselor on a full-time basis. At first I felt like an onion that was being peeled back and exposed layer by layer. You see, much of James talks about our "talk." He focuses a great deal on what comes out of our mouths!!! The real source of our "talk" is deep within our hearts. That little ticker that pumps our blood also seems to be the keeper of out deepest feelings and what travels to the brain to form our thoughts. Thoughts often come out in the form of our "talk" or our actions. This chain reaction is all a lot to think about!!!

Speaking of onions and layers, I left Banner last week chopping an onion to go in our taco meat and Brazos chopping one for his hot sauce. When I came back into the kitchen to check on their progress, I saw that they had added accessories. You might be thinking aprons, but guess again. They had on sunglasses. We keep a pile sunglasses in a junk drawer in the kitchen. You can find a pair of old scratched up Dora ones, several XTO safety glasses, and some of my old ones from random dollar stores and Target specials.

When I stopped smiling and laughing out loud at the cute culinary team in my kitchen, I asked them why on earth they had on glasses. They both let me know quickly how painful it was to peel and cut up onions. They had seen me stand at the island in the kitchen crying, but they never had experienced the burn themselves... until now... They thought the glasses might shield them from the pain of the onion. Oh, my children! I thought to myself...yeah, that was me back in June when I began peeling back some of the layers of my heart in the James study. Painful, but necessary to get to where I need to be!

I discovered an amazing, yet simple truth in James this week. James 4:8 says "Come near to God and he will come near to you." This is not a game of hide and seek like I often witness during the heat of the summer in my home when the fun moves inside. The kids love to hide in my closet and it is so full of junk that I worry I may loose them for good. This verse is different than that game because the Lord is not hiding and this life is not a game. If we come near to God, he will come near to us. It is as simple as that! The Lord does not hide. He came to seek and save.

It dawned on me today that the Lord is ready and waiting for us to make the slightest motion in His direction. We don't even have to make a leap, take a big step, or move really at all. We only have to look up in our present situation, whatever it may be, and acknowledge Jesus Christ. It only takes a glance His way for life to begin changing. He has been waiting all along for us to need Him and give up the fight by admitting we do need help. The minute we glance in His direction and say we need Him, He is by our side, ready to help us with anything and everything we need!

How amazing and sweet it is to me that we don't have to do anything more than look His way. In this world, I often feel like everything we do there is a prerequisite or an expectation. The Lord simply asks us to come near! I needed that truth this week. I sometimes find myself living a life based on feelings... feeling this and that, up and down, here and there. My feelings all were settled when I got this new truth! He is near and all it takes is a glance in the direction of the Lord to get back on track.

Random, but encouraging thoughts!

Exhausted:

In church last week, we sang a praise song called "He is Exalted." It reminded me that a few months ago my son, Brazos, walked around the house singing his own version of the beautiful melody. He changed it up a bit though. He sang "He is exhausted, the King is exhausted on high, I will praise Him." I totally cracked up at his precious mishap. He later asked me why God was so exhausted. Oh, what a loaded question! I tried to tell my son the truth...God does not get tired. He can handle it all, the big, the little. He knows all. He sees all. He is the ALL! When I simply look at my own prayer list or allow the Holy Spirit to remind me throughout the day of those in need of prayer, I often feel exhausted though. Oh, dear friends, we may be exhausted, but rest assured that the Lord is not! My son reminded me of that simple truth.

Pink Sky:

I commented to my husband at 5 this morning that it sure was dark outside. Even when I glanced out of the window again an hour or so later, there did not seem to be any progress going on in the sky. I thought we might settle for another cloudy, spring day as I glanced out of my bathroom window...just gray! I walked on over to the mirror and began putting on my make-up. The reflection in the mirror showed a few more wrinkles as usual, but also a dab of pink in the sky that I had not first noticed just moments before. I walked back over to the window and could not believe my eyes. Over in the corner of the pasture nestled above the trees was a pink sunrise just beginning to show that was amazing. I missed it the first time, but only needed to wait a few minutes and then go back to take a second look. I remembered for a moment all of the times in my life that the situation seemed gray, dull, or even dark and scary at first glance, but just around the corner, there was a glimpse of hope or a beautiful sunrise just waiting to appear in the distance.

This whole picture unfolding in my bathroom mirror reminded me of when a young father in Teague suddenly passed away two summers ago. I was driving from Teague to Fairfield after seeing his family and saw the darkest, dreariest cloud hovering in the sky around Big Cedar Country Club that I knew I had ever seen. The funny thing about this monster rain cloud was that on the very, tipsy top of it, there was a small point that was light because the sun was shining on it. It was like one little section of the cloud decided not to join the rest of it and take on the same color, appearance, or even attitude. It was holding out for sunshine while the rest of the cloud was was destined to rain.

I prayed for Robert's family as I drove, eyes open for those of you wondering. ....Lord, give them a glimpse of hope. It will take years before they can see the whole picture, but like the one little part of this cloud that seems to have hope of a brighter day, help them have hope." I loved staring at clouds when I was a little girl and making out shapes. Maybe this is a grown-up version of the Lord graciously speaking to me. I sure do hope so! If not, I need a good therapist!

Pajama Day:

My preschool daughter celebrated her 100th day of school last week. She exclaimed for all to hear, near and far, when she got up "This is the best day of my life!" I already knew why. I let the others ask her though for a good laugh. She was not ashamed of her answer at all as she yelled out "Because I get to wear pajamas to school." She had her pink pok-a-dot ones laid out on her bed and was ready to roll super early.

When I looked at her smiling face all ready to go for pajama day, I could not help but think..."If it were only that easy for us grown ups!" I thought of her all day and wondered why as adults we can't get that excited over the little things in life a little more. We so get caught up in the habit of looking forward to the big things in life - you name it, the vacations, the pay raises, houses, etc. My daughter's "Best day of her life" helped me take my eyes off of the next big event around the corner and focus on the wildflowers blooming, my good health, our new chickens, and picking wild berries. She jogged my memory, and my heart, to encourage me that this could be my last day here on this earth, so I better make it the best! In honor of Blaise, we spent most of Saturday in our PJs and had a memorable time at home together doing nothing!


Sarah Jo:

Sarah Jo Frankin currently serenades the streets in heaven I am sure, but not so many years ago she sang here in her hometown Fairfield. My favorite song was "He'll do it again." It says "He'll do it again, if you just take a look at where you are now and where you've been. Hasn't He always come through for you...."

Wow, I need to hear that from time to time. If I just take a look back over my shoulder in the direction of the past, I am really amazed at the Lord's faithfulness and disappointed in myself that I do not have more faith! Even in the bad times when things did not turn out like I would have liked, I can say that God has been faithful and He has taken care of me. I recently read "We may not know the end of the story, but we can know the storyteller."

A lost cap:

I had a minute today and worked my way through my boy's cabinet full of clothes. I sorted t-shirts, shorts, and pajamas. In the midst of my organizational tear through the mess, I found my son's baseball cap. He does not play again until Thursday, but I have never put it in that cabinet and I don't think he has either. What on earth was it doing stashed on the back of the cluttered shelf? We usually keep it on the hat rack, Duh! I was surprised I happened to stumble upon the cap, but I sure was glad. I could imagine us all Thursday embarking on the great search for Bosque's blue cap at the last minute. It would have been a disaster and I am convinced that we would not have looked there or found it in that unusual location!

Discovering this "not yet lost" cap reminded me of how different verses in the Bible seem to hide and then pop up just when I need them. I read and really thought I took in John 15:5 a few years ago; however, the Lord is speaking to me with it and it has taken on a new meaning! I really have had to take into my core, deep into the depths of my own pride, that apart from the Lord...I can not do anything! I will come up short every time and with everything in life if I am not closely walking with the Lord! I don't mean one of those walks either where one person goes off and leaves the other, but a steady hand-in-hand walk. Our race here can not be won by running ahead, anxiously sprinting to the end, or giving up half way to the finish line. Our race begins and ends when we know "I am the vine, you are the branches. If man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Why so long?

Our third set of grandparents as my Banner calls them, The Leadbetters, heat their pool on Easter weekend and are so gracious to have the kids over to take their first "official" dip of the year. As they flopped in floaties and new bathing suits, we frolicked in the sun and visited. (I did sit in the full sun...Vitamin D news has me thinking we took the no sun thing way too far!) Suzann and Mackenzie asked me what had happened to the blog. Their words encouraged me. I have started several, but must admit that I was thinking of this blog like a chapter in a book....going through all 3 stages of the writing process, and realized that it does not have to be like that! I will try to get over the fact that I was an English major and just share a collection of my thoughts and observations!

My birthday - Feb. 15th - I started a blog on my big day because it was simply great. I had a day of rest with my youngest daughter, Blaise Elizabeth. We had been on the GO for a weekend. We had left-over meatloaf and okra...2 of my favs. We colored and took a nap because I was worn out! I caught up on laundry. I used to think of my birthdays I needed to wear a crown and really do it up. The older I get, I am thinking that truly less is more and "Be Still and Know that I am God" is the KEY to a happy year and a happy day!

2 days of snow in Fairfield, Texas - We loved it! The kids thought we had passed on and been brought back to life in Colorado! It was fun for them. I must admit that the fun for me ended when I saw the pile of clothes I had to wash. There must have been 20 pairs of mismatched gloves, every hunting coat we owned, and a variety of wet socks by the door.

They had a large time! I thought the snow was beautiful. I could not believe how bright it was outside. Our house was magical looking! The MONICO gate was no longer dull, black pipe, but looked like a picture of a real winter wonderland. Much to my dismay, the next day we got home from school and went for our walk up the road as usual. When we rounded the corner and headed back up to our house, my mind did a rewind back to 24 hours prior to our walk. 24 hours before, we were covered in an amazing snow white canvas like nothing we had ever witnessed!

Fast forward to only one day later, a melted, muddy, mucky mess was all I could see. Frosty that we had carefully constructed looked more like a marshmellow blob than a wintry friend who showed up to usher in the cold. I thought as we walked...this is like happiness versus joy! This is just what I have felt so many times in life. Being happy comes, goes, and can vanish like the snow in Texas! Happy is a temporary feeling based on health, wealth, good times, or even a good mood.

The alternative is JOY! If I had to pick a word that I loved the most, it would for sure be JOY! I learned a few years ago that JOY will stick around through the good and bad. Joy is not an emotion, but free gift wrapped up in grace from the Lord. Joy can not melt, change, move away, or break up! We don't have to earn it, save for it, store it up, or do more to look good and earn it. We also can't give it to each other! Our walk with the Lord has to be personal and individual to receive our daily dose of JOY. When we walk with Him and talk with Him, the snow may melt, the stock market may crash, or the relationship can crumble, but the JOY remains if we know the Lord.

That must bring me to today, Easter. There is enough candy in this house to fill up every "Treasure Box" at Fairfield Elementary! I know my dentist would cry if he could get a glance this way, literally! The Easter bunny did leave a few treats by the door and we had a fun time today with our family. The main memory of my day is so simple though...only 3 words..."It is finished." Pastor Ken and several talented musicians, dancers, and actors reminded me today of a really basic principle that sums up Easter. "It is finished" means to me that I no longer have to live in the past, carry around hurts or old baggage that burdens me, feel guilty about my sin, doubt my salvation, worry about my children and husband, or anything else that holds me back.

"It is finished" are the words Jesus spoke when He totally submitted to the Father's will and died on the cross for my sin and to save me! I realized today that I would be a total fool to live a life of anything less than that! He died so that I could be free from _________________. Put anything you want in that blank. It is covered. Life will not be perfect, but we need not live it alone in fear, worry, sadness, envy, or in bondage to sin! What do you need to put in the blank today?

I used to think of Easter too as one Sunday when we all had a new dress and matching bow. Easter really now is more than a day, but it is a way of life. Do I really dare wake up each day live it to the fullest knowing and fully accepting the truth that Jesus Christ lived, died, and rose again so that I could rest in the fact that "It is finished."

(Oh, and don't ever doubt what a positive, encouraging word can do for someone. I have really enjoyed my time on the computer today writing...I owe that to my friends yesterday who reminded me of my favorite hobby! Encourage someone today!!!)

This is my story

We love country music around here. I try to mix in some gospel every chance I get with Aaron Watson or Alan Jackson. I was coloring with the kids one day last week and decided to put on Alan's gospel c.d. My head was beginning to hurt and something told me to add in a bit of calm to the ever-present chaos that goes with a pack of happy, but quite loud children. The first song gave me a childhood flashback to my days at Caney Baptist Church. My Pappaw, J.D. Harris, lead the music there for many years. He was a tall, big man with an even bigger, deep voice. When I heard Alan start singing "This is my story, this is my song, praising my savior all the day long" it brought back memories and stirred up something in my spirit... like music so often does. The music serenaded us and on we colored. As I traced Strawberry Shortcake's hat in hot pink, it hit me that I have a story of my own that is being written during my time here on earth. I thought... How is my story right now and and what will it be when I die?

I carried the words of the song and the concept of my own personal story around with me for a few days. I attended a funeral of a dear friend, Monte Cole, last Sunday. Pastor Ken shared with us that he had the chance to ask Monte just days before his death about his walk with the Lord and his life. Monte summed up in 2 Timothy 1:12. That verse reads "Yet I am not ashamed because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." I sat in the pew still, quietly, and thought to myself...That is Monte's story! He left us this week to be with the Father and will be missed, but what a story he left behind because Mr. Monte KNEW whom he had believed in. I drove away from the church with a smile on my face because I celebrated the life of a man who had a story that began and ended with Jesus Christ!

His story forced me to slow down a minute and think of my own again. The modern world we live in would like to have us believe that our stories will be written over the huge things we accomplish in life, like the promotions, awards, diplomas, dream vacations we can afford, cars we drive, or the powerful positions we hold. I realized quickly that my story lacks all of that, but seems to be unfolding in everyday life as I drive to and from town down 488 passing by the same parts of the beautiful countryside. The plot of my story seems to include tasks like frying eggs in the morning for my hungry boys, packing lunches, making to-do lists, and saying Hi to other parents in the hallways at school and in the isles of the grocery store. That is really my story right now. I am sure not in the valley like times past, but I also don't see the top of the mountain from where I am standing. Oswald Chambers excited me about the mundane days in life when I read "There are times when there is no illumination and no thrill, but just the daily round, the common task. Routine is God's way of saving us between our times of inspiration. Do not expect God always to give you His thrilling minutes, but learn to live in the domain of drudgery by the power of God." I had my four children line up this morning all dressed for school with their backpacks and lunchboxes and took their picture. I had to remind myself that THIS IS IT! My story is right here in between the stack of bills I need to sit down to pay and empty box of cereal on the kitchen island that needs to go in the trash. God is involved in every bit of it too!

Even when we accept that life will not be lived on the mountaintop, but often in the daily grind of life, there will still be twists, turns, and temptations that will throw us for a loop. We may feel like our stories are really soap operas, and that life is not smooth sailing. I have accepted a truth about why it is not easy. Even if I am a born again believer in Jesus Christ and trust Him with my life, He will not totally take over and write my story for me. He will guide me, the Holy Spirit will talk to me, but God will not author my story alone. I have to be a willing participant. I do have free will. How often I have thought "Lord, before I said that...why didn't you stop me?" A familiar thought too has been "God, why did you let me do that?" If I am honest.... I have to understand that the Lord is walking with me and talking to me, but He will let me go my own way if I insist on being hard-headed.

This free will is like a giant dot to dot that the Lord has drawn just for me! It was originated, just like my life, to be beautiful, unique, and a one of a kind. The dots when connected correctly will make an amazing picture for all to see. The Lord puts the dots on paper, but I have to draw in the lines that make the connections. If I connect the dots with lines in the correct order and stay in line, it will all make sense and have purpose. Every single dot, or day, will have meaning. However, here comes the part about the free will... I can also choose to go somewhere else, or to another dot, that feels better, looks better, will make me more money, or that will even make me more popular. When that does happen, and it does for us all, we look up and think "This is not where I am supposed to be and nothing feels right." That feeling is because we got out of line. If we keep on going in our own direction, we run the risk of looking up years down the road and discovering that our picture is a mess. We don't have a clue which dot is next or even what we are doing. We are lost.

However, this is the amazing part of the dot to dot story of YOUR life. When we realize that we are way off of track and our life looks more like a toddler's scribbling than a precious work of art created by the Lord, He meets us where we are and brings us back. He erases the mess! When we ask for repentance and turn, He is gracious to start a new work of art based on our mess and add our goof up to our testimony. Our story takes on a new shape. It is then full of wrong choices and lines that really don't match up perfectly, but it is still beautiful. I have learned the hard way though that we can't ask the Lord to forgive us and not TURN from our sin though. If we simply say "Forgive me, Lord" without a change in action, our path continues on in the wrong direction. The dot to dot keeps on going and going and will end in disaster. We must make a change in direction with the Lord's help!

I look around and see stories of individuals asking for Jesus to join in, letting Him fully in. I know a young father and husband who has allowed the Lord to get a hold of his life and as a result, he is free from years of addiction. He looks different, talks different, and is a light like I have never witnessed. What a story that is turning out to be! Another one near to my heart is a woman fighting the first stages of cancer with her Bible by her side, choosing to daily fill up on the Word. She is giving God the glory and relying on Him to show her the next "dot" on her picture. So...how is your story today? Does it resemble a masterpiece in progress or look more like a big mess? A well written story begins and ends with Jesus Christ, and He is willing to meet you where you are.

This was not the plan!

I don't usually stay up late on a school night to watch a college football game, but I did last night. Long after The Rose Bowl was over and we turned off the television, I took turns staring at the ceiling or closing my eyes trying to fall asleep. I was sick about what happened to Colt McCoy. I just could not believe the kid got hurt! He has chosen to be very open in public about his faith in Jesus and gave God the glory again last night at the end of the game in an interview. I trust one day this young athlete and his team will see the whole picture of why an injury kept him out of his last game as a Texas Longhorn, but I wonder right now if the picture may not be that clear for him and the others involved. How many times have we all had our game plan ready to go, but the time the final play was over... it all ended up being really, really different than we had ever expected?

Last night I was already feeling a bit sensitive when I began watching the game. I also visited with a friend recently diagnosed with cancer. She thought she had her plan all set up and would being treatment next week. Suddenly yesterday though, the medical plan changed. She is going to visit another doctor and look at what other options she has; however, no treatment yet. In the early morning hours today, my heart drew a line between her situation and the one of the young Texas quarterback last night on t.v. One I know so well. One I will never meet, but a obvious connection was flashing through my mind like a slide show that read "This was not the plan."

The lesson here for me in the last 24 hours has been that we can make plans, but so often we will have to accept that the Lord has another plan! Our plans really need to be written or thought of more in rough draft form than ever as a final copy. Our Father reserves the right to add onto our lists blessings that we would never dream of on our own, send us across town to a different hospital, and even take us out of the game. We better leave open lines at the bottom of our to-do list, as well as open days, months, and even years on our calendars because we honestly do not know what the future holds. We can only pray to know more the one who holds the future! There are things in life that unfold and are just not what we expected. Some are better and make life easier, but some really test our strength because they make life tough. There are also situations that here on earth we will never understand!



Two verses come to mind! "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." from Isaiah 55: 8-9 It is such a comfort to know the the Lord has a better view than us! He can see it all and we can rest in that.

Jeremiah 29:11 also offers a truth that we must learn to trust in, it says "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." I have to admit that for years I wanted to trust in that verse 11, but failed to read on and discover that the Word gave me a role to play in verses 12 and 13. They are huge! If you read past the glory of verse 11, you read "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." We do have an active role in our relationship with the Lord. Salvation is free, but knowing Him more each and every day does require our involvement. Our relationship with God honestly requires our time and our focus.
When we call, come, pray, and seek Him with all of our heart we are much more ready for the times in life when our plans seem to fall short of what we had hoped for OR even take a unknown turn that causes us to WAIT longer!!!

Oh, back to the line I drew between my friend with cancer and Colt McCoy. She is fine with her change in plans and trusts God to take her where she needs to be! Colt McCoy said in the interview after the game "I am standing on the Rock." I can not speak for them, but I suspect they have both been calling, coming, praying, and seeking the Lord with all of their heart like is mentioned in Jeremiah 29! When plans change, He gives us the grace and we give Him the glory!

I am not okay!

Last summer we planned a mini vacation to Great Wolf Lodge. Because we had free tickets to 6 Flags and could not stand to see them go to waste, we decided to make a stop by there on our way up to Grapevine. Just thinking back, I am hot, tired, and out of sunscreen! The plan was for me, my four children, my sister in law, nephew and Mom to impart on this journey together. I had to pack for the day and then also pack for the weekend. As usual, my husband, brother, and Dad planned to work and then join us right about the time we checked into Great Wolf, unpacked all of the bags, and were ready to play by the pool and relax!



The kids and I were running around the house getting ready. I applauded them because I could see four monogrammed suitcases forming a nice line at the door, the teacher in me. I decided that there was just enough time to do the dishes before we finished packing up the already overloaded car. Blaise, my youngest, 3 at the time, was perched in her usual spot on the kitchen counter beside me. I scrubbed, she talked, I rinsed, she dried. All was well until she hopped down to put something away and had a run-in with my husband's new and improved SLAPCHOP! If you are not sure what I mean by a SLAPCHOP, google it for a visual. It is one of the many kitchen gadgets that we have around here because my husband is a splendid cook and falls for anything with a live demonstration at the State Fair of Texas, thus our SLAPCHOP.

As luck would have it, the sharp, handy little blade diced the side of Blaise's cute, little, pinkie toe. I never dreamed in my wildest dreams that a pinkie toe could bleed so much. I placed her back up on her perch to my right so I could finish up the dishes and apply pressure to her toe at the same time. She cried and cried! I kept on telling her that she was okay, hoping and praying she really was because we did not have time for much more than a band-aid.



Time passed, the others finished another episode of whatever cartoon was blaring in the background...and Blaise still was crying! I tried to get her mind off of the pain again bribing her with an early morning piece of candy, telling her again she was o.k., but she still cried! I told her that her cousin Bragg, her BFF, was waiting on us and that she would be okay, but still more tears! I made funny faces and reminded her of the big bucket of water dumping on her Dad's head at Great Wolf, but she still cried!

When I finished the dishes and dried off the excess water from all around the sink like I was trained to do when I was a little girl, I scooted over right in front of Blaise to help her ease down safely and smoothly. I wrapped my arms around her, hugged her tight and said again "Blaise, you are okay"

By this point, her pigtails were wet with tears and her signature pink tank needed to be changed because of the snot valve that automatically turns on when we shed too many tears all at once. She waited until she had my full attention with no distractions and my face was right smack dab in front of hers, and she screamed at me "I AM NOT OKAY" Silence fell on the room. (That does not happen often around here.) Our little Blaise had had it! She was done! She was so mad at us all for telling her she was going to be okay because at the time, she was not okay. Her pinkie toe had met up with the SLAPCHOP and the pinkie lost the match, fair and square. Blaise said, or should I say yelled, what I have so wanted shout so many times in my life! I am not okay!



Have you ever had a day, moment, or even year or two in your life when you wanted to just shout out at the top of your lungs that you were not okay? I sure have. It may have been something huge, like facing your own diagnosis or facing one with a friend. Possibly your breaking point came with the news of a death in the family or news that your child had a disease or learning disability. Some of us are not okay, in the least bit, because of infertility, divorce, or massive financial stresses.

Maybe the last time you wanted to grab a microphone attached to a big speaker and announce "I am not okay" was last week when you overslept, forgot the meeting, and played the role of referee for the hundredth time jumping in the middle of your quarreling children who never seem to get along! They say "We are okay, Mom" but you wanted to yell out a big "I am not okay."

We all feel it. It comes and goes. In this life we will have times when we look up and everyone seems to be moving along at a steady pace in the right direction, kind of like they are strapped to a gigantic people mover at the airport, effortlessly on their way to the next terminal. You glance up from your situation and want to pull the plug on the human conveyor belt forcing them all to a screeching halt and scream "STOP, I need help here. I am not moving. I am stuck. Everyone else is okay here, but I am not."

Have you ever felt like you wanted to shake your fist at God too and let Him know that you are not okay with the way things down here are going? Guilty again, I sure have and I must admit that it has been as often over the little details in life as it has with the big. I think it is okay to let the Lord know you are not okay with the latest news in your life or possibly with the last 24 hours. He already knows it anyway, so why not be honest? He can take it and will deal with it better than anyone else. There have been times as well I will admit that I have not been able to open my Bible or even vaguely remember one of the latest memory verses I had neatly written on one of my note cards.

In one of those times of despair, I learned a valuable tool. I looked up at heaven one day, shrugged my shoulders, and simply said "You are God." I repeated it a few times, knowing it was true, and soon felt a rush of peace. Saying "You are God" out loud is a force to be reckoned with in hard times because even though you may be in a state of confusion, you are also praising God and forcing your mind back into a state of belief, a state of faith.

I love Psalms 139. I read it often to remind myself that whether it be the past, present, or future on my mind and destroying my peace, that I am okay. The Psalm says "You hem me in - behind and before - you have laid your hand upon me." Those words and believing them to be true, seem to make it all okay.