This has been on of those weeks where life just falls into place. My entire family recovered from a horrific stomach virus on Sunday with lots of rest and relaxation. Monday began and I had a new pep in my step because I finally felt normal again! I was so thankful to have my energy back. The week has continued on in that fashion...happy kids, happy husband, and I have been an even happier than usual Mom. I dropped everyone off this morning with a smile on my face. I pulled up to the campus where I would be subbing with my favorite praise music playing, in awe of all of my blessings and the goodness of the Lord! We all have those weeks where we feel like nothing can touch us!
I popped open the back hatch of my Suburban so I could grab my bag and was suddenly startled. I jumped out of the way because something from inside of it was rolling my way. A roll of toilet paper came bouncing out of the car and hit the ground right in front of me. I looked around to see if there were any spectators in the parking lot. I was embarrassed. Not many of us admit that we carry a roll of Charmin with us at all times!
I checked my surroundings to make sure nobody witnessed my blooper, stopped laughing, and tossed the roll back into my car. I then realized I was getting a vision of life from a little incident in my daily routine again. No matter how great life may be and even on the days that the JOY is overflowing, there are things in life that we try to hide. I really wanted all of the junk in my car to remain hidden, just like I do with some of the "junk" in my life. We stuff closets before company comes over with all of the usual clutter to make our homes look nice. We also stuff attitudes, sins, and feelings down pretty deep hoping they will never really surface.
The funny thing is that most of the time we can hide from those around us what is really going on or at least disguise it enough that they can't recognize what is up. The real truth is that most of us do a pretty good job in public of staying cool, calm, and collected; however, in the own private chambers of our hearts, in the deepest places, there is hurt, insecurities, anger, and shame.
I have learned the hard way that I can "stuff" all of the junk in my life so that people won't see it, but I can not stuff, hide, disguise, and even begin to fool the Lord. Just like the roll of toilet paper that came rolling out and refused to be hidden any longer it seems, the Lord will keep on bringing out what needs to be exposed in my life!
My favorite, Psalms 139, says "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my laying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me; Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."
The entire Psalm is worth reading. It blows me away! The Lord knows me COMPLETELY, all of the hidden thoughts, feelings, motivations, etc. that I have and He still wants to be my friend! He will always be my Father. He has me hemmed in, safe and sound in His loving arms and I can not escape Him! There is nowhere I can run that He can not follow. I can't go so far that He can't get to me!
The question is: Why do we run and hide? The fake smiles we plaster on may do the job with the people we meet, but it will not work with the Living God. There is forgiveness, there is a life of JOY and openness with Him. I found it last week with the JOY that He gave me. Just about the time I thought I had figured it all out, He humbled me and reminded me that without Him, I too will fall, just like the roll of toilet paper.
I always be guilty of stuffing my closet full of junk before company arrives and loading the dirty dishes quickly before the door bell rings, but I will not hide from my God. I have given up. It does not work. JOY begins and ends with an ongoing relationship and conversation with Him, nothing hidden, nothing held back. I even am learning to welcome His involvement. The Psalm ends with "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
