So...I half way cleared out some of the junk we have managed to accumulate since school started one day last week. Because I knew I had reworked a few areas, I immediately noticed when there was a random pile of papers about an inch thick on MY black table. I stress the MY because I have a table that I keep in the living room with a basket of bills, my sunglasses, phone, and etc. on it. When I went over to pick up the stack of papers, I noticed another pile just like it over on another piece of furniture which had previously been cleared off and dusted as well.
I glanced a bit further and was even more surprised that Blaise had her little table, she keeps one of the front windows, really tidied up. I guess I had inspired her. She had an old keyboard that was just in position and a few old phones laid perfectly straight like they were arranged in an office. Her purses and Ziploc baggies full of fake nails were even stashed in a basket looking all proper and organized. What was missing from her area was the pile of recycled papers that we have passed down to her to motivate her in her studies. She had moved them onto my table. Not only did she move the stack, she seemed to have divided it in two and tried to really hide it by putting the two stacks in two different spots in the living room.
I immediately laughed because as all of my children get older they seem to gain wisdom and ways to accomplish and get done what they want. My favorite saying right now is...."I don't do things for kids that kids can do for themselves." Just while typing this, I have been asked to get underwear for Brazos and get clothes for Bosque. I responded to Bosque with my quote already mentioned and he said "I know...you have been saying that like a thousand times." Oh, they are wise.
When Blaise moved her pile of junk I thought about the piles of JUNK in my life that I just move around from place and place and never really deal with...thinking that I am solving something by putting things off or just keeping myself busy enough that time will help things pass. These piles of junk that we move, cover up, restructure, or even redecorate can be old habits that are no good, unforgivness, jealousy, insecurities, the urge to compare ourselves and our CHILDREN to others, or bitterness and resentment that we thought we had let go.
The piles just grow the longer we let them go unresolved. We sometimes need to take a honest look at life and get to the root of the problem. The root of the problem is usually that we were hurt and never really dealt with the feelings. We just act like we can move on and often we can't at all.
I was really struck by something Beth Moore wrote in "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things." She wrote "Dear friend, is there an area of your life still a weakness? Perhaps you have already confessed it and asked God to forgive you, but you have never asked God to heal you completely, redeem your past, restore your life, sanctify you entirely, and help you to forgive your pasts?"
The reason the idea of healing really caught my attention is because it was a friend of mine in Sunday School who read that out loud and I have seen it in her life! She has not only been seeking the Lord to help her with old wounds, but she has dealt with the grief, and asked the Lord to HEAL her. AND...He has! It is an amazing thing to see. Is she problem free now? No, not at all, but that pile of junk that she moved from place to place and avoided since she was a young girl has been dealt with.
I recently had a conversation too with a husband who reached out to his in-laws and there has been a major healing for both he and his wife. It came just in time too because they have recently needed each other. It is like again...the pile of junk that had just been moving from place to place over the years and avoided has come to a point of healing.
I am so thankful that I can see these little things in life and relate them to what the Lord shows me is going on all around us. I am also amazed that I see healing and so many redeemed lives. The piles of junk can get smaller in our lives. It is a great feeling to look around and see that what used to be a weakness can become a strength when the Lord is involved. Now...that is getting rid of some junk!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
On the toilet...
My husband was stuck at work last night on a job and could not leave. About 8:30 when the kids realized that for sure, they started jockeying for sleeping positions. When Dad works all night, it is like it is free game for "fruit basket turn over" around here and where everyone wants to sleep. Banner opted for the couch. Strange request, but she has a loft bed and has recently been complaining that the heat rises too much. She is on the market for a new bed I know too. The couch to her is the coolest spot in the house. Brazos decided he would sleep with Blaise. He got in a new Bass Pro Shops magazine and said he wanted to show her a few things. Braz is in full swing dove season and looking forward to deer season. Bosque asked is he could sleep with me. The answer was YES! Bosque likes his space so I quickly took him up on the request to hang out.
When I got up this morning and had my coffee in hand, I headed to the kitchen table to sit for a few minutes and read my Bible. That area did not work because Ban was on the couch. I did not want to wake her up. I quickly remembered Blaise had made her way to my bed about 1:00 in the morning; therefore, that was an option for me to sit in her cozy bed and read. Too bad on that idea too. Braz was still snug as a bug in there all alone. My bed was taken by Bosque. The chair in my bathroom was full of clean clothes. I glanced at the bottom bunk in the boys room and thought that might work, but it was dark and I knew I might fall back asleep in there for sure.
My walk in search of a quiet, well-lighted nook ended in my bathroom. I decided to just park myself on the toilet. I did not need to use the toilet! I closed the lid and made that my place of study and refuge for the morning, LOL. I do have the best view of the lake from my toilet; however, it was still pitch black outside, but I needed a place to read and that was all I could find without disturbing anyone.
My thoughts this morning and my time with the Lord began with Psalms 139. I read that out loud and laughed to myself that I was reading while using a toilet seat as my seat! I thought of a recent line I had read in my Bible Study next. Beth Moore writes "God waits, watches, and hopes that the sun will not set on our days without our standing on tiptoes at the extremity of life, yelling Is there not more than this?" I imagined myself on my tippy toes looking out to the world and what the Lord has in store for me for the rest of my life. Thinking about the years ahead of me lead me to thank God for the fact that I am alive and healthy. Today is my Baylor Check-up at Sammon's Cancer Center. I thought of Callie, Ellen, Preston, Laurel, and the others that I met there during my treatment.
I did the math in my head and it has been over 4 years now. That thought lead me to another spot in Psalms 143 where I am just amazed at what the Lord has done for me. It says "I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done." What if we began our day with praise first and then needs! It would change our outlook I know. I thanked the Lord this morning and praised Him for all that He has done. I do not need to forget it!
My toilet session with the Lord, remember please that I am not using the toilet for anything but a chair, ended with a thought from David. He wrote in 2 Samuel 7:18 "Who am I, O Sovereigh LORD, and what is my family that you have brought me this far?" Oh, I am there with my life and it makes me excited for what the future brings. He has brought me this far and I SO look forward to where I will go next! The Lord has not only brought me so far and set this captive free, in a literal way, but I am seeing the prayers that I have prayed for my children get answered. The Lord is so faithful! If we are seeking Him daily, we will look back and see that we are far from perfect, but we have come SO far from where we were years ago. THIS FAR...moments are big to me!
It may not be a comfy chair all of the time, much like the toilet seat, and life does have some ups and downs, but I am excited. I love working at the schools here in Fairfield, simple things like watching my own kids when they discover a mouse in a hole outside, and watching my little nephew do a perfect fish tail on his 4 wheeler. My talks on the back porch all summer with my husband were the best in my opinion. The more simple I keep my life, the better it seems to be.
Life with the LORD in my life is amazing. What is next? I do not know, but my "toilet seat quiet time" reminded me to keep myself humble and to put the Lord and others before me. I will never need to raise myself up, promote myself, think I can do anything alone or that I deserve anything at all! I do not now and will never need the best seat in the house, a front row seat, or a red carpet in front of me. What a need now and will need until my last day here on earth is a quiet place and a few minutes alone with my Savior.
When I got up this morning and had my coffee in hand, I headed to the kitchen table to sit for a few minutes and read my Bible. That area did not work because Ban was on the couch. I did not want to wake her up. I quickly remembered Blaise had made her way to my bed about 1:00 in the morning; therefore, that was an option for me to sit in her cozy bed and read. Too bad on that idea too. Braz was still snug as a bug in there all alone. My bed was taken by Bosque. The chair in my bathroom was full of clean clothes. I glanced at the bottom bunk in the boys room and thought that might work, but it was dark and I knew I might fall back asleep in there for sure.
My walk in search of a quiet, well-lighted nook ended in my bathroom. I decided to just park myself on the toilet. I did not need to use the toilet! I closed the lid and made that my place of study and refuge for the morning, LOL. I do have the best view of the lake from my toilet; however, it was still pitch black outside, but I needed a place to read and that was all I could find without disturbing anyone.
My thoughts this morning and my time with the Lord began with Psalms 139. I read that out loud and laughed to myself that I was reading while using a toilet seat as my seat! I thought of a recent line I had read in my Bible Study next. Beth Moore writes "God waits, watches, and hopes that the sun will not set on our days without our standing on tiptoes at the extremity of life, yelling Is there not more than this?" I imagined myself on my tippy toes looking out to the world and what the Lord has in store for me for the rest of my life. Thinking about the years ahead of me lead me to thank God for the fact that I am alive and healthy. Today is my Baylor Check-up at Sammon's Cancer Center. I thought of Callie, Ellen, Preston, Laurel, and the others that I met there during my treatment.
I did the math in my head and it has been over 4 years now. That thought lead me to another spot in Psalms 143 where I am just amazed at what the Lord has done for me. It says "I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done." What if we began our day with praise first and then needs! It would change our outlook I know. I thanked the Lord this morning and praised Him for all that He has done. I do not need to forget it!
My toilet session with the Lord, remember please that I am not using the toilet for anything but a chair, ended with a thought from David. He wrote in 2 Samuel 7:18 "Who am I, O Sovereigh LORD, and what is my family that you have brought me this far?" Oh, I am there with my life and it makes me excited for what the future brings. He has brought me this far and I SO look forward to where I will go next! The Lord has not only brought me so far and set this captive free, in a literal way, but I am seeing the prayers that I have prayed for my children get answered. The Lord is so faithful! If we are seeking Him daily, we will look back and see that we are far from perfect, but we have come SO far from where we were years ago. THIS FAR...moments are big to me!
It may not be a comfy chair all of the time, much like the toilet seat, and life does have some ups and downs, but I am excited. I love working at the schools here in Fairfield, simple things like watching my own kids when they discover a mouse in a hole outside, and watching my little nephew do a perfect fish tail on his 4 wheeler. My talks on the back porch all summer with my husband were the best in my opinion. The more simple I keep my life, the better it seems to be.
Life with the LORD in my life is amazing. What is next? I do not know, but my "toilet seat quiet time" reminded me to keep myself humble and to put the Lord and others before me. I will never need to raise myself up, promote myself, think I can do anything alone or that I deserve anything at all! I do not now and will never need the best seat in the house, a front row seat, or a red carpet in front of me. What a need now and will need until my last day here on earth is a quiet place and a few minutes alone with my Savior.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tug of War
A conversation came up in Sunday School the past week that took me SO back to my middle school days. Every spring at Dogan Middle School here in Fairfield we would have field day. It was a really big deal. It was a taste of real competition and of the athletics that we all so looked forward to when we finally would one day make it to Jr. High.
Teachers usually picked and signed us up for our events. We had a little bit of input, but not much. I can still tell you the names of the 50 yard dash participants and I was not, still would not be, one of them! I was just not a DASHER! The 50 yard seemed to be the heart of the individual competitions. Everyone earned a green ribbon for participation, but the top 3 rankings were awarded with a blue, red, or white ribbon. This was BIG TIME to us all.
If my memory serves me well, you could usually count on Rebecca Titus for the girls in the top place. My friend Trudi usually got a taste of the action too along with John, David, and Micheal. Too funny! (Enough of that and onto the next event.) Well, somewhere in the middle of the sack race and the softball throw was the much anticipated class TUG OF WAR. This was a chance for everyone to participate and feel like they were a part of the glory. I had a special spot here in this event. I was usually one of the anchor girls!!! There was usually a guy at the back of each class who would lasso the rope around his waist. I was usually close to his side because I was one of the stronger girls. Call it strong, thick, whatever you want to call it, but I was towards the back of the class on this race. Enough said about that too.
When the coach or teacher in charge blew the whistle, we all had to pull and I mean pull! I have never pulled and tugged so hard my whole life as I did at Dogan back in the day. This was my time to shine! We used the old -school kind of rope too. It would TEAR YOU UP! Our hands were so injured at the end of the contest that we should have been excused for handwriting for the rest of the week.
We tugged and pulled, and cheered so hard to make our ribbon cross the line first so we could win. The other team on the other end of the rope did the same thing. It was such a challenge and so much work to hold on, keep steady, and pull back that I feel exhausted just thinking about it as I type. My hands hurt too now that I think back! We pulled back...inched up...held on....could not dare let go...hands burned...pulled more....inched back up....heck if I know or remember who ever won, but I know that tug of war was so painful and the most tiring event of the day! It wore me slap out, but it something we all just had to be in! Win or loose too now that I think about it, we were usually just glad for it to be OVER!
We covered "Secret Places" last week in Sunday School and this analogy came so clear to me! Beth Moore writes "Love springs from trust. Therefore, loving God with all my mind begins with trusting God with all my mind. It means asking God to come into secret places where I may harbor or practice sin. It means trusting that He's not going to reject me or forsake me or be totally disgusted with me. He already knows and He wants in. He will not clean it our with a big yard blower from the outside. He cleans up the mind from the inside only."
Why do we try to hold on to the negativity that may be living and breathing in our minds and hide it from God? It does not work. My kids love and song that says "He knows my name." Oh, what a GREAT thought that is. The Lord knows us and loves us. He knows me and He knows my name! The next line of the song says "He knows my every thought." Wow, that one for me is a little bit different and harder to take, but it is true. He does know my EVERY thought!
One of my darling children last week tried, and I stress the TRIED, to tell me a lie. The lie was a little one over 3 quarters that had been exchanged, shared, and then pocketed at the vending machine after school. I knew that he/she was lieing to me and all I wanted was the truth! I waited until I got the truth and then was satisfied, fine, happy, and ready to go on with our day. It was so silly! It was a stupid conversation that we were having, but I could not let it go because again...I wanted to hear the truth! I felt like I was tugging and pulling out all of the facts until I got what I wanted. It was exhausting...just like the tug of war match years ago at Dogan.
Putting it all together now, I realize that Jesus Christ has got to be just like I was that day with my child. He must think at times when He looks at me....Why would she be so silly to hold onto this? Who does she think she is fooling? All along He just wants me to talk to Him and be honest about what I think and feel!
He will forgive us and then help us with the rest of our day when we just open up and talk to Him. It is all about a relationship! He knows if we are mad and bitter about something that happened many years ago or even yesterday. He knows if we secretly lust after someone or something. He knows it all and we will not have peace until we openly share that with Him and move on. He knows when our thoughts are honest and pure and knows when they are a mess!
Where does the tug of war come back in? Well, it is so much work to hold onto something. You go back and forth by rationalizing and making excuses for yourself and for the way you feel. You even convince yourself that you deserve to carry around the secret feelings you do because someone or something has wronged you. Life does not have to be enhausting. Life does not have to be a battle where you feel like you are being pulled back and forth constantly. Life does not have to be lived with one foot on each side of the fence. Life does not have to hurt all of the time and wear you out! There has to be more. We are not promised a perfect life and for it to be free of trials, but secret places that we set up are not trials! Trials come from the Lord to make us stronger. Secret places come from us and from our own flesh.
Let go today and stop the fight. Stop holding on and thinking that if you hold on tight enough and work hard enough that you can fool the Lord. There is no fooling Him. A plan of action could be some time in Psalms 139 or even this: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" from Chapter 12 in Mark. Meditate on the part with all of your MIND and be honest with the Father about what may be going on in there.
Teachers usually picked and signed us up for our events. We had a little bit of input, but not much. I can still tell you the names of the 50 yard dash participants and I was not, still would not be, one of them! I was just not a DASHER! The 50 yard seemed to be the heart of the individual competitions. Everyone earned a green ribbon for participation, but the top 3 rankings were awarded with a blue, red, or white ribbon. This was BIG TIME to us all.
If my memory serves me well, you could usually count on Rebecca Titus for the girls in the top place. My friend Trudi usually got a taste of the action too along with John, David, and Micheal. Too funny! (Enough of that and onto the next event.) Well, somewhere in the middle of the sack race and the softball throw was the much anticipated class TUG OF WAR. This was a chance for everyone to participate and feel like they were a part of the glory. I had a special spot here in this event. I was usually one of the anchor girls!!! There was usually a guy at the back of each class who would lasso the rope around his waist. I was usually close to his side because I was one of the stronger girls. Call it strong, thick, whatever you want to call it, but I was towards the back of the class on this race. Enough said about that too.
When the coach or teacher in charge blew the whistle, we all had to pull and I mean pull! I have never pulled and tugged so hard my whole life as I did at Dogan back in the day. This was my time to shine! We used the old -school kind of rope too. It would TEAR YOU UP! Our hands were so injured at the end of the contest that we should have been excused for handwriting for the rest of the week.
We tugged and pulled, and cheered so hard to make our ribbon cross the line first so we could win. The other team on the other end of the rope did the same thing. It was such a challenge and so much work to hold on, keep steady, and pull back that I feel exhausted just thinking about it as I type. My hands hurt too now that I think back! We pulled back...inched up...held on....could not dare let go...hands burned...pulled more....inched back up....heck if I know or remember who ever won, but I know that tug of war was so painful and the most tiring event of the day! It wore me slap out, but it something we all just had to be in! Win or loose too now that I think about it, we were usually just glad for it to be OVER!
We covered "Secret Places" last week in Sunday School and this analogy came so clear to me! Beth Moore writes "Love springs from trust. Therefore, loving God with all my mind begins with trusting God with all my mind. It means asking God to come into secret places where I may harbor or practice sin. It means trusting that He's not going to reject me or forsake me or be totally disgusted with me. He already knows and He wants in. He will not clean it our with a big yard blower from the outside. He cleans up the mind from the inside only."
Why do we try to hold on to the negativity that may be living and breathing in our minds and hide it from God? It does not work. My kids love and song that says "He knows my name." Oh, what a GREAT thought that is. The Lord knows us and loves us. He knows me and He knows my name! The next line of the song says "He knows my every thought." Wow, that one for me is a little bit different and harder to take, but it is true. He does know my EVERY thought!
One of my darling children last week tried, and I stress the TRIED, to tell me a lie. The lie was a little one over 3 quarters that had been exchanged, shared, and then pocketed at the vending machine after school. I knew that he/she was lieing to me and all I wanted was the truth! I waited until I got the truth and then was satisfied, fine, happy, and ready to go on with our day. It was so silly! It was a stupid conversation that we were having, but I could not let it go because again...I wanted to hear the truth! I felt like I was tugging and pulling out all of the facts until I got what I wanted. It was exhausting...just like the tug of war match years ago at Dogan.
Putting it all together now, I realize that Jesus Christ has got to be just like I was that day with my child. He must think at times when He looks at me....Why would she be so silly to hold onto this? Who does she think she is fooling? All along He just wants me to talk to Him and be honest about what I think and feel!
He will forgive us and then help us with the rest of our day when we just open up and talk to Him. It is all about a relationship! He knows if we are mad and bitter about something that happened many years ago or even yesterday. He knows if we secretly lust after someone or something. He knows it all and we will not have peace until we openly share that with Him and move on. He knows when our thoughts are honest and pure and knows when they are a mess!
Where does the tug of war come back in? Well, it is so much work to hold onto something. You go back and forth by rationalizing and making excuses for yourself and for the way you feel. You even convince yourself that you deserve to carry around the secret feelings you do because someone or something has wronged you. Life does not have to be enhausting. Life does not have to be a battle where you feel like you are being pulled back and forth constantly. Life does not have to be lived with one foot on each side of the fence. Life does not have to hurt all of the time and wear you out! There has to be more. We are not promised a perfect life and for it to be free of trials, but secret places that we set up are not trials! Trials come from the Lord to make us stronger. Secret places come from us and from our own flesh.
Let go today and stop the fight. Stop holding on and thinking that if you hold on tight enough and work hard enough that you can fool the Lord. There is no fooling Him. A plan of action could be some time in Psalms 139 or even this: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" from Chapter 12 in Mark. Meditate on the part with all of your MIND and be honest with the Father about what may be going on in there.
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