I Surrender ALL?

I remember the exact day I heard a strong and Godly woman say that she refused to sing the hymn “I Surrender All.”   I looked up to her so much and just could not imagine why she couldn’t proclaim in song that she was giving it all to the LORD.  I asked her why.  She said that she had given her heart to Jesus and surrendered so much in life, but if she was honest, she had not given HIM it ALL.  Therefore, to sing that song would be a lie.  I gave it some thought and since have found myself humming to it, but holding back. 

However, there is a song that I do not hold back on one bit.  I will belt it out!  I did today, and I do often.  It is “I need Thee every hour.”  The chorus says “I need thee, O I need thee; every hour I need thee; O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.” 

In the past few weeks, I celebrated my 16^th wedding anniversary, my son turned 13, and my daughter I is now one year away from driving and holding strong at 15.  My hubby had a birthday thrown in the middle too, but we are at the point that I will omit the details of his age.  I reflected on each event and especially on my daughter’s birthday because she was my first born.

I was so clueless when I had her, as we all are!  No matter how many nights you have been hired out to babysit or even if your whole entire profession and college degree has been dedicated to children, you are equally awestruck and incompetent at the moment the doctor places in your arms YOUR newborn, your flesh and blood.  No book, no experience, NO nothing prepares you for that moment. 

Wow, it nearly makes me tear up just thinking about it because I was so scared.  Part of the fear came from the fact that God, knowing the mess that I quite often made of my own life, would trust me with another one.  From that moment on, I began changing.  I was in need.     

When my nurse Pat wheeled me down to the parking lot at Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas, I truly knew that from that moment on, it was not just about me.  I was in need. 

I tried for a few more years on my own to do it on my own and even added a second child into the mix.  I knew something was missing in my life.  It was my salvation.  I believed, had been raised in church, and prayed often, but I had never invited Jesus into my heart. 

At first, I am embarrassed to say that I thought of Christ as my personal Genie in a bottle and that was the depth of our relationship.  I needed Him and asked Him to help.  HE often DID.   Like in the song, “O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.”  I had kids running around, a job, and a husband not happy with his own job, bills to pay, and a house to keep clean. 

On my daughter’s birthday though last week, it occurred to me that a lot about my relationship with Jesus has changed.  The change is not due to my hard work or will power.  (I have none.)  The change is because instead of needing a Genie, I have learned that I need a LORD.  My needs have disappeared and my desire to know Jesus more has grown.  It has less and less to do with what He can do for me and more about who He is.  He is peace, love, joy, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, my Rock, my Redeemer, my BFF, my Father, my Savior, my Counselor, my King, He is Christmas.  Do you need Him?